One More Day
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: When an accident takes Olivia's life, Elliot is left with a lot of regrets. But what if he was given a chance to relive that day? Can he tell her all of the things he wasnt able to say before? Can he change the events of that day & save his partners life?
1. 1 Haunted

_One More Day_

_(Chapter One: Haunted)_

Elliot smiled as he heard her laugh. He drew a deep breath and opened his eyes to see the most woman in the world staring back at him. Her smile was bright and her beautiful brown eyes sparkled as she laughed again.

Elliot reached out and traced his fingertip over her soft full lips. Olivia leaned forward and kissed him tenderly, it was the most amazing kiss he had ever had in his entire life. Everything inside him told him that she was the one and only love of his life.

"It's time to wake up," she said softly as the warmth of her breath tickled his ear.

Elliot groaned and stretched looking back at her. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He watched as she smiled and combed her fingers through her hair and it glistened like gold.

"Elliot," she taunted as she sat up pulling the sheet around her nude body and kissing his chest, "you are going to be late for work."

"I'd rather stay here in bed with you all day," he said pulling her body against his and kissing her lips tenderly. "I love you."

"Ummm," she moaned softly as she snuggled in against him and pressed her mouth to his once more. "And I love you."

The sunlight through the window cast a soft glow around her and she giggled once more. Elliot combed his fingers through her hair and just held her tight for a moment. He closed his eyes tight as he felt tears slide down his face as he drew another deep breath. She was so real he could smell her perfume on the air, so real Elliot didn't want to open his eyes to face the truth.

He felt the ache in his heart and the emptiness that now filled every place where she used to be. Olivia was no more than a memory now. The beautiful angel who haunted his dreams every night. She was gone and her sweet memories were all he had. Elliot never really held her when she was alive or told her that he was in love with her.

The truth was he had never felt more alone than he had since he had lost her. Now almost six weeks had past since the tragic accident that took her life. But it didn't change the way he relived that day in his mind.

They had been in pursuit of a suspect and Elliot was driving. Lights were flashing and sirens were wailing as they flew through the city streets after their suspect in a stolen vehicle.

He and Olivia had argued the night before, nothing serious just a minor disagreement. But voices were raised and feelings were hurt, leaving him feeling horrible for making her cry.

They were okay now. His sincerest apologies and a long heart to heart had brought their friendship back to where it belonged and everything was good between them once more. By the end of their little talk they were both laughing. Since then Elliot had been cracking stupid jokes to keep the smile on her face.

He loved her smile. He loved her. But hadn't quite found a way to tell her yet. And because of his hidden feelings a strange awkwardness had formed between them, often leaving Elliot unsure of how to act around his best friend and partner.

She was laughing when it happened. Elliot remembered looking over to see her pretty smile as she combed her fingers through her hair they way she always did. He smiled and shook his head as they blew through a red light and continued the chase. Elliot was doing everything right and by the book. He was driving right behind the car Munch and Fin were in and was completely aware of everything going on around him. Unfortunately, everyone around _them_ wasn't paying attention.

The dark green SUV struck the squad car on the passengers side. The driver was speeding and didn't see them. The impact was so hard it spun the squad car sideways sending glass and debris flying all over the road. Elliot wasn't too badly injured, he hit his head against the steering wheel and suffered burns to his skin from the air bag.

Olivia wasn't so lucky. Her side of the car was destroyed. Elliot pulled her from the vehicle and cradled her in his arms as they waited the ambulance to arrive. He whispered for her to hold on that help was on the way. He felt a tear roll down his face as the sirens from the ambulance grew near. But they wouldn't arrive in time. Olivia moaned softly as she squeezed his hand. She leaned her forehead against his chest and closed her eyes as she took her last breath.

Elliot couldn't hold it together anymore. He broke into tears and rocked her in his arms apologizing for not protecting her the way he promised her he would. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes as he took in the scent of her perfume.

When the paramedics finally arrived, Elliot was sitting in the street holding her in his arms. Olivia looked like she was sleeping peacefully. She was leaned into him with her head resting on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed and her hand laid limp in his.

This was the site Munch and Fin saw when they arrived on the scene after hearing the report of the accident over the radio. Fin walked up to Elliot and knelt beside his friend. He could tell by the look on his face and the tears in his eyes, it was bad.

"She's gone," Elliot breathed and as he spoke those words he felt his heart shatter in his chest.

Fin looked up at his partner in tears and Munch lowered his head, understanding then what was going on.

Elliot held tight to her for twenty minutes or so before he picked her up and carried her to the gurney where the paramedics waited to take her away. Olivia's arm fell limp and dangled beside her as Elliot made his way over to the ambulance. Elliot's best friend, partner and the love of his life, died in his arms right there in the middle of the street, only feet from the crushed remains of the squad car they had been traveling in.

Elliot laid her slowly down on the gurney, carefully placing her arms beside her. He kissed her forehead and combed his fingers through her hair putting each strand neatly back into place. To look at her she didn't even look that badly injured. Elliot kissed her once more, then watched as the medics covered her with a soft white sheet and loaded her into the back of the ambulance.

Elliot opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling above his bed. Some days when he had these happy dreams of her it was hard as hell to drag himself out of bed. He wanted so badly for those thoughts to be real, just to see her smile one more time or hear her laugh. To tell her all of the things he didn't know how to say when she was alive. Graveside confessions and a dozen roses weren't quite the same thing. Part of him died with her that cold New Years day. A part of him that would never regain consciousness. He took a deep breath and made his way to the shower to start the next of many lonely days without her.


	2. 2 Imaginary Friend

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Two: Imaginary Friend)_

Elliot tucked wrapped the towel around his waist and twisted the cap off the bottle of prescription pills he was now taking in an attempt to help hide his depression after the loss of his best friend. He popped a few pills into his mouth and leaned down to sip water from the sink in front of him.

He stretched and exhaled deeply as he patted his chest dry with another towel. It had been six weeks already and he didn't feel any better about the situation than he did the day it happened. She was gone and it killed him to think that he would never see her again.

Elliot put a dab of tooth paste on his tooth brush and reached up to wipe the steam from the mirror. There standing behind him in the reflection was Olivia.

Elliot gasped and turned around to look at her. Her hair was perfect and her lips were glossed. Not scratches or blood or any sign of the accident. She wore black slacks, heeled boots and a nice blue blouse, the way she did many days at work. Displayed on her belt was her badge and her gun was in the holster at her side.

Elliot shook his head and rubbed his eyes. There was no way she was real. Just a few weeks ago he had stood beside her casket and watched as they lowered her into the ground. This couldn't be real. But when he opened his eyes, she was still there.

"You're dead," he managed to mumble as he rubbed his eyes again.

"I am," she replied as she sat on the bathroom counter to stare at him.

"Then why are you here? How can I see you and talk to you and…." Elliot reached out to comb his fingers through her long dark hair, "touch you…." he said still a bit confused. "You're not real, are you?"

"I am to you."

"Why are you here? If you are dea….gone, why are you standing here with me?"

"Because you needed me. You're not ready to let go yet. So I am still here. Well, up here anyway," she said reaching to touch his temple.

"So you're not real? You are just a figment of my imagination?"

"I am whatever I need to be to get you through this."

"I am imagining dead people standing in the room talking to me. And I am talking back. And I can touch you and feel you and I think you are real. But you are not real. In reality, you are gone. I was at your funeral. I watched them bury you. I visit your grave three times a week and take you…."

"White roses," she said cutting him off. "They were my favorite."

"If you cant be real, if I cant have you back, then why are you here?"

"I am here because something inside of you refuses to let go of me. I am only real to you."

"It has to be these pills. I am having hallucinations because of the pills?"

"The pills are not healthy, but me being here has nothing to do with them."

"I'm going crazy," Elliot said and she laughed.

"No more crazy than you were before."

"God I missed your laugh."

"I know."

"There are just so many things I never told you. Things that you should have known."

"You could tell me now."

"It isn't the same now. Now I am standing in my bathroom in a towel talking to a ghost."

Olivia smiled.

"Now, you are ten minutes from being late for work."

"Shit, you're right." Elliot answered as he quickly brushed his teeth and threw some clothes on.

Elliot was half way through his morning before he realized he hadn't seen her around in a while. He looked over at the pictures on his desk. There were several of the kids and one of her. It was from the Christmas party a few years back. Olivia was all dressed up and her dark wavy hair was down around her face. And her vibrant smile was so beautiful, Elliot swore you could almost hear her laugh through the photograph.

He picked up the picture and traced his fingertip over the curve of her face.

"I hate that picture," Olivia's voice sounded from behind him.

Elliot turned around and smiled.

"It's beautiful. You're beautiful. It was a great night."

"For you maybe," she said as she seated herself on the edge of his desk. "That was a bad night."

"I thought it was perfect."

Olivia shook her head.

"My date stood me up. When I called him, I got dumped. My hair was a frizzy mess and I couldn't do anything with it. I lost an earring, the strap of my shoe broke and I really just wanted to go back home."

"But you didn't."

"No," she said tipping her head to one side and smiling. "You asked me to stay. I took my shoes off and danced barefoot all night to the Christmas songs the orchestra played."

"It was a good night."

"I can't count the number of times you stepped on my toes."

"I was a little rusty at the dancing part. But you laughed and smiled. I thought you were having a good time."

"I had a good night. You managed to salvage the evening."

"Someone spiked the eggnog."

"And you nursed me through a killer hang over the next morning. It was really sweet."

"I always had your back."

"You did," she agreed with a smile.

"Except when you really needed me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I should have been more careful. I got careless and I got you killed. You are dead now and it is all my fault."

"Your fault? What about the driver of that SUV? If anyone is to blame, it is him. He was speeding and he wasn't paying attention."

"I was driving the car. You didn't even have any warning."

"El, sometimes things happen that we have no control over. Feeling guilty about something you couldn't have possibly prevented isn't going to help you deal with this."

"Nothing is going to help me deal with this!" he said rising his voice before he could catch himself.

Elliot looked around the room at the faces now staring at him. He laughed a bit and bit his lip.

"They can't see you," he said softly as Olivia shook her head.

"Only you."

"So I am sitting here having an a conversation with a figment of my imagination?"

"It would appear so."

"I can't deal with this. You are making me crazy."

"You want me to leave?"

"You should go."

"Have it your way," she said.

And just like that, she was gone.

"El, you alright, man?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping much lately."

"Look, I know loosing Olivia has been hard on you. It has been hard on us all."

"No, you don't know! Okay? You weren't there! You weren't in that car! You didn't watch her take her last breath! And she didn't die in _your_ arms."

"Take it easy. I am just trying to help you out."

"I promised her it would be okay. I promised to take care of her and I let her die."

"Elliot, you did everything you could. You stayed there with her, right there beside her and you made sure that she wasn't alone. You comforted her and you were there beside her through her last moments of life. You made sure she wasn't scared or alone. That was all anyone could have done. We all know that you would have done anything to protect her from harm, anything to change the events of that day. But sometimes things happen and we cannot stop them. You do what you can do to survive."

"She's been gone for six weeks and I still think about her every day."

"You loved her man, we all did. She was an amazing friend and a damn good cop. She met a tragic end that came all too soon. We will never forget her. It is okay to hurt and to miss her. But maybe you just aren't ready to come back yet. Take a little more time. You will know when you are ready."

"Now you're telling me to leave?"

"Look man, I am trying to help you out. You are sitting at your desk talking to yourself. I know you are seeing a doctor and I know you are on medication to help. But Elliot, if it gets out that you are sitting here carrying on one sided conversations….it is just going to look bad on you. Take a little time and get yourself together, man. Coming from me it is just a suggestion from a friend. But if the hire ups get wind of this….you're probably looking at extended medical leave and they will make you see a therapist. And that might not be a bad idea if you are talking to yourself."

"I'm not talking to myself. I'm not crazy."

"Then who are you talking to?"

"She is here, Fin. I see her everywhere."

"Those are just dreams. Probably because you miss her so much and you think about her a lot. It is part of the grieving process."

"No, Fin. That is what I thought at first, but this is more. I see her and she talks to me. I can touch her and feel her and she breathes and she is real."

"Elliot, Olivia is dead. She was died as a result of that car accident. You saw the autopsy report, she bled out internally. It was a tragic loss and we all miss her, Elliot. But you can't let this take you down, too. You have your kids to think about. And if Kathy finds out you are talking to dead people….it isn't going to be pretty."

"Maybe you're right. I think I just need to get some sleep. I'm gonna head out."

"Get some rest, man. And give me a call if you need someone to talk to….or need anything."

"Yeah," Elliot agreed as he stood up and rubbed his hand over the back of his head.

That evening Elliot laid sleeping with a half empty carton of Chinese take out sitting in front of him on the coffee table. He tossed and turned as his dream took him back to that day. He watched helplessly as the last moments of Olivia's life played out in front of him.

Elliot sat up on the sofa drenched in sweat and looked around the room. It was late evening now and his heart pounded in his chest. The room was dark and the air was still. Elliot gulped thick dry air as he made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Moments later he found himself laying in bed alone staring up at the ceiling. All he could think about was her. Elliot closed his eyes tight trying to push the thought of her out of his mind, but it was no use.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I am so sorry," he whispered in the dark feeling the warmth of his tears on his face.

"I know," he heard her whisper in return.

Elliot took a deep breath and opened his eyes to see her laying there beside him in the bed.

"Maybe I am crazy. But I don't think I can let you go."

"You will when you are ready."

"How long will you be here?"

"Until you don't need me anymore."

"Where do you go when you aren't with me?"

"I don't go anywhere," she said placing her palm against his chest to feel his heartbeat. "I am always with you."

"I miss you so much," he said softly reaching to touch her cheek. "I didn't mean it….when I told you to go. I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay."

"Then I will stay."

"Just like that. It is that easy."

"I am a figment of your imagination Elliot, I do what you want me to do. You say stay, I stay."

"Stay," he said softly. "I just might be crazy. All I know is that when you are here with me is the only time I feel like myself. That is the only time I don't feel crazy."

"You're not crazy. You're….lonely."

"Do you really mean that or are you just saying that because it is what I want to hear?"

"Is there really a difference anymore?"

"I guess you are right."

She smiled and combed her fingers through his short hair.

"You're hair is getting long. You need a haircut."

"How long can you stay?" he asked again. "Am I just going to wake up someday and just like that you are gone?"

"I don't know. I am not quite sure how this works. I don't really know all of the rules of conversation with the living."

"So are you a ghost or are you just something from my imagination?"

"I'm not really sure. A little of both maybe."

"If I am not crazy now, I will be before long."

"Shhh," she said as she leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Try to relax. You are too stressed. Close your eyes and try to get some rest."

"I'm afraid to."

"You are not afraid of anything."

"I'm afraid that if I fall asleep….you wont be here when I wake up."

"Do you want me to be?"

"I do."

"Close your eyes, El. I'm not going anywhere. When you wake up in the morning I will be right here beside you."

Elliot stared into her eyes as he nodded his head. She smiled at him across her pillow and watched as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	3. 3 From This Moment

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Three: From This Moment)_

"They think I'm crazy," Elliot said aloud in the dark and empty bedroom.

He sat alone curled up in the corner leaning against the wall listening to the thunder and watching the rain slide down the window pane in the blue of the moonlight.

"You disagree?" she asked in a soft and almost motherly voice.

"I do," he said as another tear slid down his cheek, so sure that he was about to have a breakdown.

"Elli…"

"No," he snarled turning his head to look at her laying across the bed. "I….I'm not! I'm not crazy because I lost the one woman I ever really loved. I lost my partner and my best friend and the only person to ever know who I really am! God, I don't even know anymore. The only thing I do know is that you're gone. I'm not crazy, Olivia. I just miss you so Goddamned much!"

She exhaled and rolled onto her back to stare up at the ceiling. She tipped her head back just over the edge of the bed and let her hair dangle down as she stared at him upside down. Elliot however, avoided looking at her completely.

"I don't suppose there is any way I can change your mind?" she asked waiting for him to look at her.

"Change my mind about what?" he asked still staring through the thin lace curtain into the stormy night.

"Don't be coy. I know what you're thinking."

"You don't."

"I do El," she said with a soft laugh. "I come from inside of you. I am here because of you. I am you. What you think, I think. And what I say, you think also."

"Stay out of it," he snapped almost angry with her.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I wouldn't be here if you didn't need me."

"I don't need anything anymore."

"If that were true…."

"You would be gone?" he asked finally raising his head to look at her.

"Do you want me to go?"

"And if I did?"

"Then I'm gone. But there is no coming back. Once I leave, I am gone for good. You can't change your mind."

"There's the door," he said stubbornly.

"Ah," she said staring into his blue eyes, "it isn't that simple. I leave when you don't need me anymore."

"I don't."

"Obviously you do or I wouldn't be sitting here right now. You are focusing too hard on the wrong part of the problem. You can't do that or you will never find a solution."

"I have a solution," he said running his fingers over his hair. "The only way to get you out of my head. I can't bring you back. This is the only way to fix this."

"It wont fix anything!" her voice was stern now and he stared at her.

"You think what I think, remember? So shut your mouth!"

She stared at him and blinked waiting for him to realize the way he had spoken to her.

"What about the kids?" she asked.

"They'll be alright. They have their mother to look after them."

"What about the victims? The abused children and….and…." she stopped as he watched her getting frustrated with him. "You really are a selfish bastard! You know that?"

"I don't know what else to do, Liv. I can't make the pain stop. I can't help you. I am not any use to anyone anymore."

Olivia glared at him with tears in her eyes.

"I know I let you down," he said softly.

She moved across the room to sit in the floor and watch as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Elliot tossed a handful of prescription pills into his mouth and finished off a glass of water. He sat the empty glass on the corner of the envelope he had left on the night stand, beside the now empty pill bottle and laid back in the bed waiting for sleep. He closed his eyes and held tight to Olivia's pillow, the smell of her sweet perfume still lingering in the air as he drifted off to sleep in her bed.

Olivia sat crying in the dark with her back against the wall waiting and watching for him to draw his last breath.

The next morning Elliot opened his eyes to stare at the blinding sunlight through the window across the room. His head was pounding and the alarm clock on the dresser was blaring. He groaned in pain pulling a pillow over his face as he reached down pulling the plug from the wall.

"Get up Stabler!" she shouted kicking the foot of the bed. "We are going to be so late! I cannot believe you are still in bed!" she growled as she stomped back down the hall toward the kitchen. "I'm getting coffee," she yelled, "You have five minutes!"

Elliot groaned again as he moved the pillow from over his face. He squinted and stumbled into the bathroom for a handful of aspirin. He splashed his face with cold water and stared at his reflection in the mirror. This was not what was supped to happen at all. He was supposed to have ended his life last night, taking away all of the pain. Yet somehow here he stood with the worlds worst hang over, feeling like a jack ass.

Wait a minute, he thought as he looked around the room. This was his bathroom. That was his shower and….

"Elliot!" Olivia snapped pushing open the door to hand him a coffee mug. "I wasn't kidding! Cragen is going to kill us if we are late again!"

This was his partner standing here staring at him naked in his bathroom. Elliot couldn't move. All he could do was stare at her. Even pissed off, she was so beautiful. But was she real?

"Earth to Stabler! For God's sake put some pants on!"

"Pants….yeah," he said with a nod stumbling back into his bedroom. "Liv? What the hell happened last night?" he asked walking out of his closet buttoning his shirt.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. You look like Hell."

"Thanks," he said as she lost all patience and tied his tie herself. "I mean how did I get here? And where did you come from?"

She stared at him with a strange look for a moment then shook her head.

"I have no clue how you got here. I left the bar at ten o'clock last night and you guys were still knocking them back. I don't know how you got home. As for me, I came from my apartment this morning. Where I waited for half an hour for you to pick me up for work. It was supposed to be your day to drive, remember? I didn't have anything to do with any of this," she said pointing at the trail of his clothing across the room and his boxer shorts crumpled beside the bed. "You didn't think that we….?"

"Oh, no! No. I just wasn't sure if you knew what time I got in last night," he said still not sure of what was taking place here, but trying to keep it cool.

"Your breakfast," she said handing him the travel cup. "We are so late, Cragen is going to kill us!" she said as Elliot followed her out the door.

They rushed up the steps of the courthouse and into the courtroom just as things were getting started.

"Maybe they wont notice," Elliot whispered holding the door for her as she rushed inside to take their seats.

Just before they sat down, the doors slammed shut drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

"Yeah El," she whispered as the room began to settle once more, "I don't think anyone noticed."

"Sorry," he said softly straightening his tie.

Elliot spent the next three and a half hours staring at Olivia across the bench where they were seated. A few times she caught him staging at her and gave him a look. Elliot would quickly turn the other direction and act as if he hadn't been seen.

Their time in court was long an boring and he could maintain no focus on what was going on around him. Elliot was still trying to piece together the events of the night before and figure out how the hell he ended up here today.

"Detective Stabler?" Alex repeated staring back at him as Olivia nudged him with her elbow.

"Yes," he replied raising his head to stare at the look of panic on Alex's face.

"Would you kindly take the stand?" she asked.

Elliot stood up and made his way to the little boxed seat beside the judge. He was nervous as hell and had no clue what he was even testifying about. Luckily Alex managed to guide him through most of his testimony and he survived the morning.

That afternoon Elliot sat supposed to be doing paperwork, but again all he could do was stare at his partner.

"Elliot, are you almost finished with that?" Olivia asked as she reached for the paper he had spent nearly an hour filling out.

"Yes," he said clearing his throat and watching her.

"This is good. Except you forgot to date it," she pointed out laying it back on the desk in front of him.

Elliot picked up his pen and put it to the paper, but just before he began to write, he stopped.

"Olivia, what is today's date?"

"December thirtieth," she said giving him a strange look.

"December thirtieth," he mumbled. "Two days before the accident. It hasn't happened, yet."

"Elliot, what in the world are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking out loud, I guess."

"What is going with you? You have been acting strange all day? And why do you keep staring at me like that? It is a little creepy."

"Isn't it?" he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just, I can't believe you're real," he said laying his hand on hers.

"Of course, I'm real. Are you sick or something?" she asked feeling his forehead.

"I guess I just had a really bad dream. But I'm awake now, right? And this is real? All of this. And you are real?" he asked standing and cupping his hand on the side of her face as he stared into her eyes.

"I'm real," she said softly staring back at him with loving eyes.

She placed her hand against his and lowered it from her cheek.

"Maybe you should think about cutting back on the drinking," she suggested.

"I just quit," he replied.

"Seriously, are you alright?" she asked and he could tell she was worried.

"I am now," Elliot said with a smile.

Olivia smiled back at him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I was starting to worry about you."

"Don't worry, Liv. Everything is going to be okay, now. I promise," he said wanting so badly to kiss her. "I am here and I am going to be here for a long, long time. We both are. I'm gonna make sure of it."

Olivia tipped her head to one side not really sure of what to think.

"I am going to protect you, Olivia. From this moment on."

Elliot watched her reaction as tears slowly slid down his face.

"El," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him, "you're scaring me," she whispered softly.

"You don't have to be scared," Elliot said kissing the top of her forehead.

"In the eleven years we have worked together….I don't think I have ever seen you cry," she said wiping away his tears with her thumb. "This must have been some dream."

"It was a nightmare," he said as she leaned in to hug him again.

Elliot just held tight to her for a moment, almost afraid to let her go. So scared that if he opened his arms she would just disappear.


	4. 4 Come Wake Me Up

_**Author's Note:**__** I'm trying out something new. This chapter is written in songfic fashion and set to the words of the Rascal Flatts song "Come Wake Me Up." I have heard it a million times and today as I actually listened to the lyrics in my car I just saw this chapter play out in my mind like scenes from a movie. The words and emotions they are singing in the song just seemed to fit so perfectly to what I saw happening in this chapter. Hope you like it!**_

_**- Detective Olivia Stabler -**_

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Four: Come Wake Me Up)_

Elliot sat alone in his bedroom staring out the window. The darkness of this particular night was deepened by the midnight storm that had blown in. Dark clouds hung so low they seemed to drown out the lights of the city and he had never felt more alone then he did in this moment.

Getting over her was something he knew would never happen. But getting on without her was proving to be equally challenging. He pressed his hand against the cold glass of the window as rain trickled down the outside of the pane.

_I can usually drink you right off of my mind But I miss you tonight. I can normally push you right out of my heart But I'm too tired to fight_

"I need you," he whispered as thunder crashed again.

Then there she stood. He could see her reflection in the glass of the window, standing behind him in the soft glow of the candle light. Elliot smiled and turned to face Olivia.

"We talked about this," she said softly.

"You said you would be here for me, as long as I needed you."

"I am here. But this isn't healthy."

"Being without you isn't healthy."

Elliot slipped his fingers between hers and placed her hand against his bare chest.

"Do you feel that?"

"Your heart," she replied staring into his eyes.

"It's broken. It hasn't been the same since the day I lost you."

"I'm not lost. More like….misplaced."

"I am being serious. Do you have any idea how bad it feels to go on not seeing you or talking to you or touching you? I am forever left wondering how it feels to hold you and touch you and…."

"And?" she asked as Elliot cupped his hand against her jaw and kissed her tenderly.

Another soft, but passionate kiss followed that. Then another and another.

_Yeah the whole thing begins And I let you sink into my veins And I feel the pain like it's new Everything that we were, Everything that you said, Everything I did and that I couldn't do Plays through tonight_

"Elliot, stop," she gasped as he nipped playfully at the sensitive flesh just below her ear.

"Why?" he asked before pressing his mouth to hers once more.

"This isn't right."

"Is this my dream or yours? I'm the one calling the shots here. This is my fantasy," he replied tracing his thumb over her full lips. "And I think this is exactly right."

"I don't want to hurt you," she blurted out.

"I'm already hurting. And this pain inside me, it's never going to stop. But I can still have you. Here in my dreams," he said with a smile. "Don't you get it, Liv? We are soul mates. We are so much a part of each other, not even death could keep us apart."

"But it isn't real. I'm not real. This is all in your head."

"You feel real," he said smoothing his fingertips slowly up her arm.

He stared deep into her eyes as he brushed his nose against hers. Then kissed her tenderly.

"And you taste real," he whispered before kissing her again.

Olivia slid her hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat once more. Then he watched as she slowly unbuttoned the dress she wore and let it fall to the floor.

"Tell me you want this as badly as I do," he whispered kissing her softly.

"I do want this. I always have," she replied softly.

Elliot lowered her slowly to the bed and there they made love for the first time.

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire With every word it grows higher and higher I can't get over it I just can't put out this love I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back Close my eyes tightly. Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming Come wake me up._

After, she laid covered only by the thin material of the bed sheet and smiled as she stared at him across the pillow.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I am amazing. How are you?"

"Pretty good," she said with a shy smile and a laugh. "That was incredible."

"I always knew it would be."

"Now what?"

"I don't know," he replied shrugging his shoulders.

"It's your fantasy," she replied. "You call the shots, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

Olivia smiled again. He loved her smile. He loved everything about her. He loved her.

"You wanna do it again?" she asked with a sparkle in her eyes.

"You're not too tired?"

"It's a fantasy, remember? I am only tired if you want me to be."

"This is true."

"Or we could do something other than this. If you want to?"

Elliot smiled.

"Every time we do something other than this….you disappear on me."

"Hmm," she replied with a guilty smile.

_Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice But I can't forget Now I'm all out of ideas And baby I'm down to my last cigarette_ _Yeah you're probably asleep Deep inside of your dreams while I'm sitting here crying and trying to sleep Yeah wherever you are baby now I am sure you've moved on And aren't thinking twice about me and you tonight _

Elliot laid there for hours watching her sleep. She seemd so comfortable, so at ease and so at peace. He knew this couldn't be real. That somehow it was all just a dream. But he didn't care. Here in this world he was with her. She was his and he was hers and there was nothing or no one who could keep them from each other. She was safe now. And here, he could keep her that way.

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire With every word it grows higher and higher I can't get over it I just can't put out this love I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back Close my eyes tightly. Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming I know that you're movin' on I know I should give you up But I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love Cuz I'm feeling anything Baby this pain is worse than it ever was I know that you can't hear me but baby I need you to save me tonight _

He watched her carefully. Every breath she took, inhaled and exhaled, he was memorized by her. He laid there exhausted, yet still somehow still so afraid to fall asleep. They were good here together. Safe and happy and in love. And as much as he knew he had to, Elliot didn't want to fall asleep. Or wake up. He just wanted to stay here, right here. In this bed. In the warmth and safety of her arms. In love with her, forever.

"You should get some rest," she whispered raising her head from his chest to look up at him.

"Maybe I'm not tired."

Olivia smiled.

"Maybe you are something else," she replied with a smile raising up to kiss him once more as the sheet slid away revealing everything it covered.

"Maybe," Elliot replied as she leaned in to kiss him and they made love once more.

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire With every word it grows higher and higher I can't get over it I just can't put out this love I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back Close my eyes tightly. Hold on and hope that I'm dreaming Come wake me up. Oh I'm dreaming. Come wake me up. Oh, I'm dreaming._

A loud crash of thunder shook the apartment and jolted him awake. Elliot scratched his head and looked around the empty room realizing he was alone once more.

"It wasn't real. It was all just a dream," he mumbled to himself as he climbed from the bed.

He made his way into the kitchen. There sitting at the bar sipping a cup of coffee, was Olivia.

He rubbed his eyes to get a clearer look. Then pinched his arm to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Liv?"

"Hey," she replied with a smile. "It was so late when you finally fell asleep last night I guess I passed out, too. I took a shower and borrowed some clothes. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," he said smiling at the sight of her in his NYPD sweat shirt and boxer shorts.

"I wanted to make you breakfast. You have been having such a hard time lately. I got as far as the coffee before the early morning storm knocked out the power. But it's still hot," she replied pouring him a cup.

"Thanks," he said taking a sip of the strong dark liquid. "Listen, I know this is gonna sound strange, but did anything happen last night?" he asked scratching his head still not quite sure if he was awake or still dreaming.

"With us? No."

"Oh," he replied laughing as if he were joking.

"But it sounded like things got pretty hot between you and your dream girl."

Elliot spit coffee all over the counter.

"What?"

"You talk in your sleep. You didn't give her name, but you said something about it being your fantasy. Then I moved in here on the sofa," she said pointing to the pillow and blanket she'd left there. "You were moaning and asking her to do that again. It sounded like the two of you needed a little alone time," she said with a smile.

"This is so humiliating."

Olivia laughed.

"How long have you known me Stabler?"

"A very long time."

"Then you know you have nothing to worry about. Your little sex dream secret is safe with me," she said patting him on the chest.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Now get dressed or we are going to be late. We still have to stop by my apartment so I can grab some clothes for work."


	5. 5) Taking Chances

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

_**This is what I did at work on Christmas Day. (He he.) Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Travel safe! Please remember to review!**_

_**~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~**_

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Five: Taking Chances)_

Elliot watched as Olivia stepped out of the locker room, dressed to kill.

"Big plans tonight?" he asked admiring the black spaghetti strapped flapper style mini dress she wore.

"I have a date."

"Good for you," he replied smiling. "But it gets crazy out there on New Year's Eve, are you sure you wouldn't rather hang out here with me instead?" He asked turning on his Stabler charm. "We could rent a couple of movies and order take out, watch the ball drop on television at midnight. Could be fun."

"El, a bunch of us are going out as a group. You should come."

"Going out isn't really my style. I guess I was hoping I could talk you into staying in with me. The weather is bad and traffic is worse. And with all of the drunk madness, it is dangerous out there. But it's safe here, Liv."

Olivia turned her head until her eyes met his. What was he up to?

"You are acting so strange lately. Look, El it is sweet of you to worry. But I am traveling in a group, we are taking cabs, I hardly drink so that shouldn't effect my judgment and furthermore if you are that worried about my safety Detective Stabler, then suck it up and come with me," she replied with a smile.

Elliot exhaled. The truth was he wanted to be there with her. He wanted to be beside her every moment from now on to ward off any danger and protect her forever, but this would be no kind of life for Olivia.

"We are off tomorrow. Go out with me tonight. You can crash at my place and we will spend all day tomorrow watching movies and eating Chinese food, I promise. Please come."

"I am sure your date would love that."

"I would. Do it for me. You are my best friend and I want to start out the new year with you. He is just arm candy," she said with a smile and he laughed. "Seriously, I promised him months ago that I would go or I'd call the whole thing off in a heartbeat and stay back with you. But we never do anything. This could be a lot of fun."

Maybe she was right. Sitting here and being all depressed about something that may not even happen wouldn't do him much good anyway. And if he were to lose her tomorrow, shouldn't he spend every moment possible with her now?

Maybe if he was with her, maybe if he was there when that call came in he could keep her from going. And maybe it was all some horrible dream and she was perfectly safe. Maybe he was sitting here like a loon tearing himself up over this and nothing was going to happen at all.

Elliot had spent the entire day trying to think up some sort of plan, some way to prevent her from being in that car when that SUV hit it. Maybe this was his chance.

"Okay," he said and she smiled. "You twisted my arm."

"It is going to be so much fun, I promise."

"I just need a little time to get ready."

"Well, Rick is picking me up here in half an hour and we are all meeting up for reservations at the Ivy at seven o'clock if you want to just meet us there."

"The Ivy, huh? Kind of ritzy."

"It's New Year's Eve," she reminded him.

"Only happens once a year," he agreed staring into her gorgeous brown eyes. "I will see you there at seven."

"You'd better get going," she said taking the file from his hand and placing it in his desk drawer.

Elliot stood as she handed him his jacket.

"And Elliot," she said as he made his way to the doorway.

"Yes?"

"Thank you," she said with a pretty smile. "It really does mean a lot to me that you are gonna be there."

"It meant a lot to me too," he replied returning the smile as he pressed the button on the elevator.

Across town Elliot shaved and quickly showered. He then spent half an hour tying the tie on his tuxedo until it looked just right. He walked across the room and picked up his vibrating phone from the dresser.

_We're leaving now, are you almost ready? _said the text from Olivia.

_On my way,_ was his response.

Elliot still wasn't sure how to approach this evening, but he was determined to make sure to keep her by his side tomorrow. Just in case. He tucked the phone into his jacket pocket as he opened up the dresser drawer and switched out his credit cards for one with a higher limit. Then he pushed the drawer shut and headed for the door.

Somehow he managed to make it to the restaurant before anyone else did, so he took a seat at the bar until their table was ready. Moments later he felt a sudden urge to turn around.

There she was. More gorgeous than ever and glowing from head to toe. Her smile radiated and seemed to warm the entire room.

"Hey," Olivia said making her way to him. "This is Rick," she said as the man extended his hand. "Rick, this is my partner and very best friend, Elliot."

"Rick," Elliot said shaking his hand as he looked the man over.

He wasn't bad looking, but he was by far not good enough for Olivia.

"It's nice to finally meet you," the man replied. "Livy, here talks about you all of the time."

Elliot almost choked on his drink. _Livy? _Who the Hell was _Livy? _His eyes shot straight to Olivia's as she shrugged. It was obvious this man hadn't taken the time to get to know her the way that Elliot did. Infact, he didn't seem to know her at all.

"Well, I couldn't exactly turn down the request," Elliot responded, "today being her birthday and all."

Olivia raised an eyebrow trying to figure out what he was up to.

"Oh my," Rick said. "I am so sorry," he said sincerely. "I completely forgot, I was thinking your birthday was in March."

Olivia smiled and shook her head.

"It isn't my birthday. He is just messing with you. But no, my birthday is the twenty third of January. Why don't you go and see if our table is ready. I am going to try and call Casey," she suggested placing a soft kiss against his lips.

"Sure," Rick agreed and disappeared into the crowd around them.

"What?" Elliot asked feeling the sting of her glare.

"What are you doing?"

"Making small talk."

"You could at least be nice to the guy. He doesn't know anyone."

"Sure thing, _Livy_," he said with a smirk.

"It's a pet name."

"Pet names are for dogs. You HATE when people call you that. What the Hell is going on here?"

"You tell me. You are the one giving him the third degree. And what's with the birthday trivia?"

"Well, if you are dating he should know your birthday. He doesn't."

"So."

"Your favorite color is green, favorite song "Walking In Memphis," the Marc Cohn version, not Cher or that God awful country version…and your left eye has these little flecks of green that in the right light make it look like your eyes are two different colors."

"What is your point?"

"My point is, you have been dating this guy for three weeks. When you are in a relationship with someone, you get to know these things. He doesn't know anything about you."

"Well, we have not been able to spend that much time together. I've been busy with work."

"When is his birthday?"

"November third."

"And what color are his eyes?"

"Brown, why?"

"You are the one making all of the sacrifice in this relationship, while he stands around getting the benefits."

"What are you talking about?"

" You have not slept with him yet, have you?"

"Not that it is really any of your business, but no. We have discussed it and we've decided to wait until we know each other a little better."

"You haven't put out…"

"Excuse me?" she snapped cutting him off.

"He is being all sweet and romantic, because he is trying to get into your pants, Olivia. If he had already, he wouldn't still be here. He is using you."

"You're wrong! You don't even know him!"

"Oh, I do. Apparently a little better that you do. Let me guess, he got a hotel room for the night and has asked you to stay with him. He doesn't expect anything, he just wants to cuddle."

"He doesn't live in the city. He got a room so he didn't have to drive home tonight. He's being safe."

Olivia blinked and stared at him.

"I don't know what is going on with you lately, Elliot. But I don't like it," she said and he could see the hurt in her eyes. "Let me know when the old Elliot Stabler returns alright? Because I don't care much for this new one."

Elliot watched as she picked up her purse and made her way across the room to stand beside her date. He felt terrible for hurting her feelings, but he knew men like this. He, himself, used to be one. And he knew exactly what it was this man was after.

"I see she talked you in to coming out after all," Fin said from behind him.

"Yea, and I have already managed to ruin the night for her."

"What do you mean you ruined it?"

"I pissed her off. I admit I was a jerk, but I was only trying to protect her."

"What did you do?" Casey asked approaching them and overhearing the conversation.

"It's this fool she is here with. She's been dating this guy for a while now and he knows absolutely nothing about her."

"Sounds like he's looking for a hit and run," Fin said picking up a beer from the bartender. "You don't get to know them," he said turning to Casey to explain, "so you don't get attached. Then when you get what you want from the deal you part ways. But usually both people are in on it."

"I just don't want him to hurt her. She hasn't dated anyone since that bad break up about six months ago and she is just getting back out there."

"Are you sure about him, though? He seems harmless to me. If you are wrong and chase off a perfectly good guy, she may never forgive you," Casey reminded Elliot.

"I've seen his type," Fin said staring him down from across the room. "That man is a predator."

"Maybe you should lay down the law," Casey suggested. "Pull him aside and explain to him how things work."

"She means threaten him. I will personally break his face if he hurts her," Fin growled in Olivia's defense. "Lets see pretty boy cruise the market for chicks while he in traction."

Elliot watched as Fin met up with his girlfriend at the door and moved back to the table with Rick and Olivia. Casey, however, was watching Elliot.

"I get why Fin is so protective over her. She is like a kid sister to him, it's sweet. But you…."

"Me?" Elliot asked shifting his attention to her.

"It is almost pathetic."

"I'm pathetic?"

"When it comes to Olivia, yes. It is getting that way."

"How am I pathetic?"

"I'm not blind, Elliot. The guys don't see it….well, because they are men. But I see it. I have been ignoring it for so long, but it has reached a point that I feel it is best to address the subject, my friend."

"What the Hell are you talking about?"

"You do this with every guy she dates. No guy is good enough for Olivia."

"Well, they aren't! She has horrible taste in men! But how is that any different than when Fin says it?"

"Fin isn't in love with her."

"In love…." Elliot began to argue, but knew every word of his defense was a lie.

"The men she dates aren't good enough. They don't treat her the way she deserves to be treated….the way that you would treat her."

Elliot shook his head.

"She deserves to be treated like a queen, Casey. She is so amazing and cares so much about everyone around her. And these douche bags come along and cheat and lie and break her heart. I do love her. Hell, we are family. And I don't have anything against that man except that the game he is running is on my partner, my best friend."

"_Your_ girl," Casey added and he stared at her.

"We have never been like that Casey. Probably never will be. I adore her, but she doesn't love me like that. Besides, it would only make complications at work and neither of us need anymore of those."

"So she isn't worth it?"

Elliot wrinkled his brow in confusion.

"It isn't worth a little struggle to be that man, the one that she deserves who treats her the was she needs to be treated. She isn't worth the fight?" Casey asked.

"I would do anything for her."

"Then get in there and fight for her. If you want her, take her. Show that schmuck how we do things around the 1-6. And show Olivia that you weren't being a jerk because you don't want her to be happy. Show her that you were fighting for her because you love her and you want to be the one who makes her happy."

"Fight for her…." he mumbled to himself as he stared at the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

"Make her see that you are the man she is supposed to have been with all along."

"But she is pissed at me because I was rude to her date."

"Elliot, you can't have a war without battle wounds. It is liable to get even messier before this is all over. But I assure you, once you open her eyes and make her see how you feel about her….she will forgive you."

"But what if she doesn't feel the same, Casey? What if I tell her all of these feelings I have for her and I just spook her and push her further away?"

"At least she will know. And you will know that no matter what happens, she will always know how you feel about her. You can't stumble onto the playground and push the big kids around unless you are ready to fight. Step up and show her that _you_ are the man she has been looking for all of these years."

Elliot gulped.

"You're right. I already pissed her off, what's the worst I could do now?"

"You got this?" she asked squeezing his shoulder.

"Yea, I've got it."

"Good. Because I see my man," she said smiling and waving as a handsome stranger entered across the room. "Go get her, tiger!"

"Thanks, Casey."

"Thank me on your wedding day," she said with a wink as she disappeared into the crowd.

Elliot laughed and turned back to the bar. He ordered a club soda and headed to the table. If he was going to do this, he had to be smart about it. He had to find a way to expose this guy without making himself look like a complete dick in the process. It was going to be tough, but Casey was right, Olivia was well worth it. And the good news is that his friends seemed to be in agreement that this guy was not right for Liv. And Fin was already eyeing him like a bulldog hunting the mailman.

Casey and her date were about to take their seats as Elliot arrived at the table. He watched as she suddenly decided to change seats leaving the only available seat right next to Olivia.

Elliot caught Casey's eye as she smirked at him. He sat down and scooted up to the table picking up the menu. It was obvious that Olivia was trying to avoid him, because she refused to even look in his direction. This was going to be a real challenge.

After a round of cocktails, dinner was ordered. Olivia's date, Rick, a doctor, was on call for a nearby ER and kept getting calls. He would excuse himself from the table for five or ten minutes at a time always apologizing when he returned. Then Olivia would turn on the charm, holding his hand or laying her head on his shoulder just to spite Elliot.

After dinner Elliot found himself alone with her at the table as the other couples were dancing and Rick, once more was away with a business call.

"I'm sorry," he said hoping he could get her to understand his intentions.

But she just ignored him.

"I deserve that," he said flagging the waitress and ordering two more club sodas. "At least let me buy you a drink to try and make it up to you."

"I'm not drinking," she said still refusing to look at him.

"It's soda," he laughed as he slid the glass her way.

"You really think this is funny, don't you?" she said finally turning to him with tears in her eyes. "It isn't. You are my best friend, Elliot. And you do this every time I get close to a man. It is hard enough for me to trust people without you doing…..whatever it is that you do. I don't understand. I thought you were happy for me, that I had found someone."

"I was."

She shook her head.

"You couldn't wait to tear into him. I get that you are just looking out for me. And you think that no guy is good enough for me….I even appreciate it. But you have to back off and let me live my life. Let me decide who I want to be with, who I think is right for me. If you keep acting like this you will push every guy away and I will be alone forever."

"Not every guy. Just this guy," Elliot replied.

"Or maybe you would rather it be that way," she said standing and picking up her purse. "Then we can both be alone and miserable for the rest of our lives."

"What are you saying?" he asked standing to follow her.

"I'm saying I think you are just jealous! Because I have found someone and you are still alone. I'm saying, maybe you need to focus on your own love life and stay the Hell out of mine," she said with piercing eyes as she turned to walked off.

"Liv, don't leave."

"I'm going to the ladies room! Or should I have run that by you first?"

She stared at him beginning to cry as Elliot shook his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix everything, Elliot," she replied, then turned and walked away.

He exhaled feeling in his chest the pain of hurting her. It was going to take a lot more than fancy small talk to dig his way out of the hole of shit he had managed to get himself into this time.

"I really am sorry," he said from behind her as she walked out of the ladies room.

"You are stalking me in the bathroom now?" she said still pissed, but half joking.

"I was a complete ass. I did it because you are my friend and I love you. But it doesn't matter why I did it. Bottom line is….you are right."

This got her attention and she raised her head to look him in the eyes.

"It isn't my job to decide what guys are right for you and what guys aren't. My job is to be there for you and support your decisions, whether they are right or wrong. Because if they are right, then seeing you happy makes me happy. And if they are wrong…."

"Then I need my friend more than ever," she said reading his mind.

"I'll try not to interfere anymore."

"All I ask is that you just give me the chance to decide on my own."

"And you're right…."

She turned back to look at him.

"I am jealous," he said as her eye widened. "But it's not you that I'm jealous of," he confessed as he walked past her and back to their table.

Olivia stood there, her heart pounding and curiosity getting the best of her as she wondered exactly what he meant by that. She stalled a few minutes then returned to the table as well. She looked around the room seeing her friends dancing with their partners and her date still nowhere in sight, she took her seat next to Elliot.

He watched her as she sat nervously, barely able to breath and could tell his comment had sparked a fire in her mind.

"Dance with me," she said softly looking over her shoulder at him.

Elliot smiled.

"I thought you'd never ask," he replied standing and leading her to the dance floor with his hand in the small of her back.

Holding her felt so natural. Her arms rested on each side of his neck and his hands fell to her waist. Still, he couldn't see to catch a glimpse into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Hard to believe another year has come to an end," he said trying to make small talk and make this less awkward.

"Yea. It went by fast."

Finally she raised her eyes and they met his. Now he couldn't even blink. He didn't want to, for fear he'd lose sight of her again.

She smiled nervously as she looked into him. She wasn't sure exactly what was going on here, but whatever it was it felt right.

Elliot drew a deep breath as he raised one of his hands and locked his fingers between hers, sliding her palm down his shoulder to rest over his heart. There were so many things he wanted to tell her….so many things he needed to say, but he just couldn't find the words to make her understand.

Within moments he found himself longing to kiss her. He stared deep into her eyes secretly praying that if there were ever a time she could read his mind, it were now. Elliot watched as she blinked and seemed to lean into him. Their noses were just about to touch when she pulled back and turned away from him.

"I should find Rick," she said pulling away and leaving him on the dance floor alone.

"What happened?" Casey asked appearing out of nowhere.

She must have been watching the entire thing.

"She doesn't want it," Elliot said backing up and walking back toward their table.

"What do you mean she doesn't want it?" Casey asked as Elliot took a drink from his wine glass.

"I mean, she doesn't want me. We were right there. Seconds away from the worlds most perfect kiss and she pulled away. I could tell she was torn about it, that she wasn't sure what she wanted. I could see it in her eyes as we danced."

"And?"

"And it looks like she decided."

Elliot took a deep breath and sat down for a moment.

"Elliot, I am sorry. I was so sure that….I can't believe she just walked away."

"Maybe she really does care about this guy, Casey. And maybe I am just making things worse for her by standing between them. I want her. But it doesn't matter what I want if she doesn't feel it too."

"Don't give up on her, Elliot. Just give her some time to think about it. To process all of the things that are going on around her. She will come around."

"I'm running out of time," he mumbles adjusting his tie as Casey stood up and went to find her date.

Elliot sat there for a while then decided he needed some air. He got up and made his way outside. He was there, leaned against the wall when he saw her stumble out onto the sidewalk, clearly upset. She was crying and had been for a few minutes at least. Her pretty eyes were glassy and she drew short shallow breaths as she clutched her purse strap in her hand. He watched as she raised her hand to signal for a cab.

"Liv," he said approaching her but she turned away from him.

"Just leave it alone, Elliot."

"Olivia, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable in there. I sure didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm not crying because of you," she half sobbed and half snapped as she wiped her cheek with her hand.

"What happened?"

"What do you want from me? Do you want me to say you were right? Okay, you were right!" She shrugged her shoulders and paced the sidewalk for a moment. "He's an asshole!"

"Did he hurt you?"

"No. I mean not physically. He didn't touch me."

"What happened?"

"I went to find him. And I did. Sitting at the bar talking on the phone. _To his wife_! I just feel so stupid."

"Don't. You can help that other people do bad things. And you are not stupid for giving them a chance. You are the smartest person I know. Do you want me to set him straight?"

He watched as she shook her head.

"No, Fin already has it out for him. He will get what is coming to him. In any case, New Year's Eve is over for me. I am going home. I just want to take a hot shower and crawl into bed."

"It is quarter to ten. The video store is still open," he suggested as her cab pulled up.

Olivia raised her head and looked into his eyes.

"I don't know, El. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better. But maybe it would be better just to leave it alone. I have a lot going on, a lot of things to sort through in my mind and I….I don't want to do anything I am going to regret."

"Alright," he said holding the door as she climbed inside. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year," she said softly forcing a smile.

Elliot stood on the curb for a while just thinking, before deciding to head home himself. Just as he settled in on the sofa to watch one of the sports networks on the satellite the doorbell rang.

He opened the door as she stared up at him. Elliot opened the door and stepped back allowing her to enter the apartment.

"I'm glad you changed your mind," he said as he took her coat.

"I rode around in the back of that cab for a while. It's depressing, being alone on New Year's Eve. I definitely wasn't going back to the restaurant."

"You could have watched Fin kick Rick's ass."

Olivia forced a smile as she sat down on the edge of the sofa.

"Tempting, but no. I asked myself if I could spend this night with anyone, who would I want that person to be," she choked out softly. "The answer was you," she said looking up at him and fighting back tears. "The answer is always you. You are my comfort, my safety. You are the one I run to when I am hurt or scared or just don't know where else to turn. And tonight, when we were dancing….the way you looked at me….for a moment I thought….I thought you were going to kiss me."

"I wanted to," he confessed.

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I know you did," she whispered. "The bad part about always knowing what someone is thinking is that you _always_ know. Even when it is something they shouldn't be thinking. But the truth is, I was thinking it too. Tonight for the first time I realized that I could have feelings for you, Elliot. Feelings I am not supposed to have. Romantic feelings. I mean I guess I have thought about it , been attracted to you for a long time. But this was the first time that I knew that you felt the same way. When I looked into your eyes, there was no way either of us could deny it anymore."

"What do you want to do about it?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe we should just think about this for a while. Consider all of the possibilities before we jump into anything that we can't take back."

"Okay."

"I should go," she said standing and heading for the door. "I just want to take a shower and relax."

"Stay," he suggested. "I've got popcorn and pajama pants. Shower is all yours. If you get in there now we could be chillin' on the couch in time to watch the ball drop on TV."

"I don't know. It's been a long night."

"You can have the bed. I'll sleep right here. I'm not trying to put the moves on you. I just want to hang out with my best friend. Like you said, being alone on New Year's Eve sucks."

Olivia smiled a soft smile.

"Okay."

Elliot clothes to sleep in and made the popcorn while she took a shower. He pulled a blanket from the hall closet and they curled up together under it to watch television. After ringing in the new year together, they ordered a movie on pay per view and fell asleep on the sofa together. Her on one end and him at the other.


	6. 6) The Things We Do For Love

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Six: The Things We Do For Love)_

Elliot opened his eyes and sat up to stretch out the crick in his neck. He yawned and looked down at the other end of the couch noticing the crumpled blanket where his partner once laid.

"Liv?" he mumbled to himself suddenly feeling an urgency to find and protect her. "Liv?" he called down the hall toward the bathroom before realizing he was alone in the apartment.

He scrambled for his phone and hit number one on his speed dial.

"What's up?" she said in a muffled voice as she answered.

"Where are you?"

"At my apartment changing clothes. I'm heading out the door now."

"I woke up and you were gone," he said without realizing how truly pathetic it had sounded.

"Fin called me about an hour ago and wanted help going over some notes on a case he and I worked together a few months ago. I came by here to grab a quick shower and some clean clothes and I'm climbing into a cab now. I didn't mean to worry you."

"It is supposed to be our day off….your day off."

Olivia smiled picking up on that fact that he'd apparently wanted to spend the day together.

"Do you guys need any help?" Elliot asked looking for a reason to go into work as well just to keep a protective eye on her.

"It is supposed to be your day off," she mocked.

"I know. But if we split the work maybe we can both enjoy half a day off."

"Well, it is New Year's Day in New York City. There are a ton of crazies and people who are still drunk from last night running around, so I am sure there will be plenty for us to do."

"Okay. I'm just gonna grab a shower then head that way. You'll be there, right?"

Olivia paused for a moment. Here he was acting all strange again.

"I'm not going anywhere, I'll probably be stuck behind my desk for at least the next day or so. El, are you alright? You have been acting so strange lately. Is something bothering you?"

"No," he exhaled in a lie.

To tell her the truth now would just scare her, his best chance at protecting her was to just be there with her and do whatever he can to try and prevent the horrible things he had seen before.

"I just don't want to miss out on anything exciting."

"Okay, I'll see you when you get here," she replied paying the cab driver and walking up the steps.

Elliot rushed to get ready, then made one pit stop before arriving at work. He approached his desk sitting down a cardboard drink carrier and Olivia raised her eyes.

"You are a life saver," she replied as he handed her a large Starbucks coffee cup. "Munch made the coffee again," she whispered shaking her head in disapproval.

Elliot smiled.

"Well, I didn't realize you had already made coffee, Munch," he said looking at his friend across the room. "I brought Starbucks for everyone."

Elliot handed a cup to Munch, then to Fin as well.

"Thank you," Fin mouthed. "I am in bad need of caffeine, but I wasn't quite desperate enough to drink whatever he is brewing in that pot," he whispered pointing to the tar-like black liquid on the burner.

"I'll make sure to get a cup just as soon as I finish with this," he assured Munch, who himself had abandon his own concoction for the cup with the fancy name on it.

Elliot took a seat at his desk as she handed him a stack of papers.

"And to think we would have missed all of this by taking a silly day off," he said sarcastically and she smiled.

They worked for a hour or so before Fin had managed to track down an ex-wife of the man they were searching for.

"Her last known address is just across town," he said looking up at Munch from the DMV report he had received on the woman. "You up for a joyride?"

"You ask as if I have a choice."

"Ha ha, Skeletor. Get your bony ass in the car."

"You two sound like you are married," Elliot said with a laugh.

"We don't sound like that, do we?" Olivia asked taking a sip of her coffee.

"I don't think anyone sounds quite like that," Elliot assured her.

Half an hour later Olivia looked from the file folder in her hand.

"El, do you remember that body we found in Riverside park a few months back?"

"Yea, the guy cut her head and hands off so we couldn't identify the victim. It took weeks to get a DNA profile for the girl. I think Cragen said she was a runaway from somewhere in Texas. Poor girl probably didn't count on that. We never did catch the guy."

"Well what if she wasn't his first?"

Elliot smoothed his hands over his face and cleared his throat, then leaned in to focus on what she was trying to say.

"I'm listening."

"Cragen gave me this stack of files. Old cases from before we switched buildings. A few solved, but most of them have long gone cold. I was just supposed to enter them into the new system and I figured I would work on that while waiting on Munch and Fin to get back."

"Yea? You got something there?" he asked as she handed him the file.

"Cold case from nineteen ninety three. Teenaged girl. Head and hands missing. They found her body next to a creek, rolled in plastic and bound with duct tape."

"It says they didn't get any trace off the plastic. And without prints or a way to ID her, it will probably stay cold."

"Don't you get it? Another victim. This guy is a serial. And he now has at least two bodies under his belt. Two girls who will never be coming home to their families."

"A case that old, Liv, chances of getting any of her DNA for a profile are slim. If there is any from the autopsy, it is probably corroded or contaminated by now," he said closing the file and tossing it back to her.

"What is she was your daughter?"

"What?"

"Wouldn't you want to know where she was? What happened to her? Wouldn't you want the chance to lay her to rest in a proper burial? We can't just give up, El. We are this girl's only shot at telling her story. And reuniting her with her family….even if it is in death."

"No parent needs to know things like this were done to their child."

"But wouldn't you want to find her? I would have to know. I would never stop looking for my child. Dead or alive, I think we owe them that peace."

"We don't even have a way to identify the body."

"We do…."she said raising her hand as she stared at photos from the autopsy. "I mean we might."

He watched as she pulled a magnifying glass from her desk drawer and inspected the picture once more.

"There," she said laying it down for him to see. "She has a tattoo on her left ankle."

"What is that?" he said squinting to try and make it out.

"I think it's a butterfly."

Elliot flipped through the file.

"I know the coroner. Or I have heard of him. He is retired now….if not dead. But the office should still have records from the autopsy," Olivia said.

"We have all the pictures here."

"But in 1993 not everything was digital. If there are negatives for these pictures somewhere…..we can blow that up and see if we can get better detail. It could help us identify this girl."

"Good thinking."

An hour later they were standing in the old archive room digging through files containing autopsy information dating all the way back to the early nineteen seventies.

"Talk about a needle in a haystack," this stuff is not even in order.

"At least they have been filed by decade," she replied handing him one of nearly twenty file boxes to dig through. "I am hoping we will get lucky and most of these are from after ninety three."

"Okay, five boxes in I start out at ninety four. Hopefully that means we only have three boxes to search. Hopefully. I don't know how people consider this organized."

Olivia smiled.

"Just let me know if you find anything," she replied handing him the page with the file number on it.

"How on earth did we ever survive without computers? Like, I don't know how this planet even turned. This is insane."

"Eww," she squealed backing up and knocking off a couple of boxes behind her.

"What?"

"Spider," she said pointing as it jumped off the table and ran across the floor.

She watched as Elliot stomped it into a small slimy dot on the floor.

"Oh, you killed it."

"I'm sorry, I thought we didn't like the spider?"

"I didn't. I don't like any bugs. But You didn't have to kill it."

"We could have a memorial if you'd like," he joked.

"Very funny. Great, I made a mess," she replied looking at the boxes spilled on the floor around their feet.

"Just push it all back in whatever box," he suggested. "It isn't like they would ever notice anyway," he joked.

Olivia knelt and began picking up the files and trying to put them back into some sort of order. She sat quietly in the floor and neatly began to replace the spilled contents into the correct folders and put them back into boxes. For a moment she was so quiet Elliot had almost forgotten she was there at all.

"Everything alright over there?"

"Yea," she replied looking up at him from a folder.

"Liv, I don't think we have time to read them all. I know you want to help, but maybe we should just start this out hunting one killer at a time."

"What if it is the same killer?" she asked handing the folder. "Take a look at this. Tell me what you think."

Elliot opened the file and examined the paperwork and photographs inside.

"This could be our guy. It sounds like him, right?" she asked.

"Down to the detail," Elliot agreed. "I think you are right, I think we have a serial killer on our hands. He as now claimed three victims."

"Six," she corrected him sliding three more files onto the table beside him. "And the years are consecutive."

"Shit."

"So, more than likely," she began then paused for a second. "Assuming ninety three was our first, and Ms. Riverside is our most recent….we are looking at twenty victims."

"And there are still fourteen bodies out there somewhere that we haven't found. We have got to get more manpower to help us comb through these boxes. All of these boxes. Whose to say ninety three was his first?"

"Or maybe we got lucky and he stopped after nineteen ninety seven."

"He didn't stop. He won't stop. He has a taste for it now. He needs this, gets off on it. Killing these girls is like a drug to him. He needs that fix. He's never going to give it up. The only way we are going to get lucky is if he possibly did some jail time in here."

"I didn't think I would ever find myself hoping someone had spent time in jail," Olivia replied. "I'm gonna call Cragen and see what if he can get a team together to help us on this. This is big. Bigger than I ever imagined when I found that second file."

"This is huge," Elliot agreed.

Olivia paced the floor anxiously waiting for the truck containing the files to arrive.

"I still think it is stupid he wouldn't just let us bring some of them over with us," she remarked folding her arms in front of her as she leaned against the wall.

"They weren't all going to fit in the squad car. And we marked the boxes with evidence tape, so they should be alright."

"I just feel like we were on a roll. Now we are just standing around here doing nothing….waiting…."

"You don't like waiting, do you?"

"Maybe I am a little impatient. But you said it yourself, this is huge. It is going to take all the time and manpower we have to offer if we are going to crack this thing and catch this monster. Meanwhile we have now wasted," she paused and looked at her watch… "thirty seven and a half minutes, just waiting."

Elliot smiled.

"There were a lot of boxes. It could take them a while. Why don't we make good use of this wasted time and I'll buy you lunch?"

"Lunch?" Olivia repeated as her stomach growled. "You know I have not even stopped to think about food today. I have been running all day on that cup of coffee you brought me this morning."

"You get that way when we get busy. If I wasn't around to remind you to eat, you would likely starve to death."

"I eat. Just sometimes I get wrapped up in stuff and don't realize that it so late, that's all."

"It isn't healthy."

"Neither is living on coffee and donuts," she said with a smirk. "But you have that for breakfast at least three times a week."

"Ahh, the cops diet," Elliot replied with a grin. "Donuts for breakfast and pizza for dinner. All this talk about food…I am starving. What do you feel like eating?"

"Not pizza," she replied with a smile. "Come on, I'll drive."

"You know, it is really a nice out. Why don't we just walk," he insisted.

"Nice out? It is January. It is about twelve degrees and there is snow everywhere."

Elliot laughed.

"But it is a beautiful sunny day. We are going less than two blocks and it is actually thirty two degrees out."

Olivia stared at him and shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay," she agreed as he held the door open for her.

Down the block and around the corner was a little mom and pop diner that served the best burgers in the city. Olivia always ordered the bacon deluxe burger with jalapenos and a salad, then spent the majority of their lunch break stealing fries off Elliot's plate. It didn't bother him. Infact, he didn't mind at all. But this practice had trained him to always order a double order of fries.

"Ooh, they are still hot," Olivia popping a French fry into her mouth.

"McDonalds has nothing on these people," Elliot replied taking a bite of his burger.

"Yea. And I'll bet this place has never been sued for serving kangaroo meat," she replied as he stared at his sandwich frowning at the thought.

"So this is one hell of a break you caught with this case," he said as she smiled.

"I can hardly believe what is beginning to unravel right in front of us. Just think Elliot, if we do this right….if we find enough evidence…..this man has been hunting women for years and we could be the ones who finally put him behind bars. Think of all the families that will bring closure to. All of those women he murdered. Finding him could help us find their remains."

"Think of all the women we could save. If we take this monster off the street and he isn't hunting them anymore."

"This is true," she agreed standing and picking up her purse from the table.

"I've got this," Elliot insisted waving to grab the attention of their waitress. "I told you lunch was on me."

"Alright," she agreed tossing down a five dollar bill for a tip. "I'm gonna step into the ladies room and freshen up a bit. I have jalapeno breath," she whispered and he laughed.

"You carry a tooth brush in your purse?"

"Actually, I do. I keep a travel one just in case, you never know when you might need it. With the amount of coffee we drink and all."

Elliot tossed a few more dollars onto the table and walked up to the counter to pay the check. Moments later he turned to see Olivia applying lip gloss as she walked his way. This wasn't unusual. It was something he was quite used to having worked with a female partner for so long. But it wasn't until recently, that he had taken the time to realize how beautiful she really was. And how all her annoying little girly habits were really actually kind of sexy.

Elliot held the door for her as they walked slowly back toward their destination. It was actually a very beautiful day, the air was fresh and crisp and he honestly didn't care if it took them an hour to make it back. Moments later Olivia's cell phone rang.

"It's Cragen," she said looking at the screen. "He is probably calling to tell me that our files have arrived.

Elliot watched as she paced the sidewalk and talked to their boss. For a second everything seemed fine, then he could hear the tension in her voice.

"What do you mean? But that isn't fair! Elliot and I have done all of the work! There wouldn't even be a case if we hadn't tracked down those files and found the other victims! Captain, they already had their shot at this, please….We have come this far on this case, just let us finish it."

Olivia ended the call and dropped her phone into her coat pocket, refusing to turn to him. Elliot watched her for a moment and could tell she was crying.

"The FBI just stole our case," she whispered.

"Liv, I'm sorry."

"We worked our asses off and they just walked in and took it out from under us."

"That isn't right," he said trying to comfort her.

"No, it isn't," she replied wiping her eyes with her gloved hands to remove the tears. "Cragen said because it is a serial and because of the time span….the FBI want to get this contained as soon as possible. They intersected the delivery of our files and had them sent back to their lab."

"That is some shit. You were the one who discovered the link between the victims and you are the only reason they even know this guy is a serial killer. Now they just step in and take over and take all of the credit for your hard work."

"That's just the way it works, I guess," Olivia replied as they continued walking.

They talked and laughed as Elliot tried his best to cheer her up. And before they knew it snow had begun to fall once more.

"It is so pretty when it is snowing," Olivia replied standing on the steps in front of the precinct.

"Yea," Elliot agreed.

He watched as she closed her eyes and held her arms out spinning in slow circles and feeling the light breeze against her skin. Elliot couldn't help but smile at the rosy pink color of her cheeks and how it really made her dark eyes glow.

"Beautiful," he said without realizing as he watched her.

"It is," she replied, not realizing it was not the snow he was talking about.

Olivia laughed as she stopped, feeling just a bit dizzy.

"Hold still," Elliot replied staring into her eyes as he reached to gently pick up a stray eyelash from her cheek. "Make a wish," he said holding it out for her to see.

"You don't really believe in silly stuff like that, do you?"

"Sure, I do. It's fun to believe in things like magic and wishes on eyelashes and shooting stars," he said with a smile. "It doesn't hurt to believe."

Olivia stared deep into his eyes, then shifted hers down to study the eyelash. Elliot was mesmerized as she leaned forward on the tips of her toes and stared at him as she gently blew it away. This was it, he thought as he raised his hand to cup the side of her face and leaned in kissing her tenderly.

The first kiss was short, only lasting a few seconds. But the next one was deeper and longer and even more incredible. He smiled watching her for a reaction as they finally parted. Olivia's eyes were still closed, there were snowflakes all in her dark hair and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Her eyes fluttered open to stare once more into his and he waited nervously for a reaction as a smile slowly spread across her face. Neither of them sure of that to say, Elliot slipped his fingers between his and raised her hand to his lips.

"You'll have to let me know if that wish comes true," he said and she smiled again.

"It just did," she whispered softly.

Just then sirens screamed as they flew past the precinct.

"I wonder what that is all about," she said rushing back down the steps. "What is going on?" she asked a uniformed officer as he climbed into his squad car.

"Someone spotted the car they were looking for, that guy who killed the girl over in Riverside Park. He is giving chase. But there is a car right on him. They are trying to cut this guy off before he gets away again."

"Come on," Olivia said to Elliot.

"Liv, you heard Cragen. This isn't our case anymore."

"I have seen it this far, he is the only suspect, Elliot. If this guy is our killer….I wanna be there when he is brought in."

"But we both have other cases we are should be working on. And this is supposed to be our day off anyway," he argued.

"Stabler, get your ass in the car!"

Elliot felt a pain in his chest, knowing exactly what would happen if they got into that car. He watched as Olivia opened the passenger's door and turned to look at him. His heart was racing, he had to find some way to stop her. Some way to change the events that were about to take place. He stared into her pretty brown eyes, knowing how real his love for her was and he drew a deep breath.

"Fine," he said as he tossed her the keys. "But you drive," he replied, knowing very well that the passenger's side of the car would sustain most of the damage in their fateful crash.

Offering his life in place of hers as he climbed into the passenger's seat and they drove away.


	7. 7) Out Of My Hands

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Seven: Out of My Hands)_

Elliot could feel the sting of salty tears as they ran over the gash under his eye. He stood silently in the hot steam of the shower watching the pink tinged water circle down the drain as it carried her blood away. He had done everything, everything he could think of to save her and still he lost her.

He closed his eyes tight remembering the last few moments before the crash. He was so sure that switching places with her would have changed the way this would all end. So sure that she would be safe from harm and that if someone were to perish in that wreck, it would be him.

He sat nervously waiting and watching. Paying close attention to the sights and sounds around them. Then suddenly there is was. The green blur of the SUV appeared from out of nowhere.

Elliot drew a deep breath as he turned to look Olivia in the eye.

"I love you," he blurted out knowing they only had moments left to share together. "Don't you ever forget that," he said and she looked confused.

"El…." she barely got out as the SUV struck his side of the car spinning it around on the icy street before slamming into it once more on the drivers side.

Things were dark for a few moments and Elliot could hear the screaming of the sirens as they approached. He opened his eyes to see that the squad car they were traveling in had bee struck a third time at full speed, flipping it over and sending it skidding across three lanes of traffic on it's roof.

They were still inside the car. Elliot turned his head to see his partner dangling there upside down in the drivers seat, not moving.

"Olivia?" he called to her reaching to feel for a pulse. "Liv, it's going to be alright. I'm gonna help you," he said shifting to knock out the remaining glass from the passengers window and crawl out of the car.

He hurried around to her side reaching through the broken glass to unbuckle the seatbelt that held her in place. Elliot caught her as she dropped from the seat and onto the roof of the car. There was glass and ice everywhere and the area was filling with smoke from the cars involved in the accident.

Olivia coughed a little and opened her eyes.

"I've got you," he said softly pulling her away from the car and sitting with her on the street.

"I think I hit another car," she mumbled still a bit dazed.

"They hit us," he explained. "Two of them."

"Is everyone alright?" she asked as he raised his head to look around them.

"It looks like most of them are up walking around. There is an ambulance on the way, I can hear it. You just have to hold on. Just a little longer," he said choking back tears.

"I think I'm alright," she assured him. "But I hit my head pretty hard and it hurts a little when I breathe."

"You should take it easy. You probably shouldn't be talking."

"Elliot, you are bleeding," she whispered raising her fingertips to touch a gash under his eye.

"It's fine, really. Just a scratch."

"You should probably have that stitched up."

"I will, I promise. Hush now," he whispered trying to keep her calm.

Olivia stared up at him for a moment and smiled. Elliot noticed her breathing became more shallow and he could see the pain she was hiding in her eyes.

"It's snowing," she whispered forcing a smile as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Elliot smiled, but said nothing.

"What you said in the car…." she began.

"Liv," Elliot said shaking his head. "You shouldn't talk."

"I love you, too," she whispered softly and he pulled her closer to him and held her tight.

"I have always loved you," he confessed. "From the first day we met. In the squad room. Do you remember?"

Olivia smiled with foggy eyes as she gazed at him.

"I remember," she whispered.

"You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I didn't even know you yet and already I was in love with you. And that love only got stronger with each day that passed. I should have told you a long time ago. I should have found some way to let you know."

"I…I knew," she whispered.

Holding her tightly in his arms and staring lovingly into her beautiful brown eyes, he had confessed his love for her. Olivia blinked softly, trying to mask her pain as she raised up just a little and pressed her mouth to his. Elliot listened as the sweetest voice he'd ever heard whispered softly to him those three little words he has waited so long to hear.

"I love you," she breathed before giving him one more tender kiss.

Olivia's eyes fluttered softly leaving little butterfly kisses against his cheek.

"El," she gasped as she drew a jagged breath and he knew that she was trying to say goodbye.

She laced her fingers between his and squeezed his hand, her eyes never leaving his.

"It's okay," he whispered in return knowing she was bad off and fading fast. "I understand," he sobbed cradling her and rocking her in the safety of his arms. "I understand," he choked out once more as he felt the warmth of her last breath against his neck.

Her forehead was laid against his shoulder and her eyes were closed. She looked like an angel sleeping in his arms. But Elliot knew in that moment that he had just felt her life slip away. He kissed her softly.

"I am so sorry Liv," he whispered as he rocked her motionless body in his arms and broke down.

"I am so sorry," he repeated now opening his eyes in the steam as the water ran clear for the first time in nearly twenty minutes.

Elliot shut off the water and climbed from the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and moved his hand across the mirror to remove the steam. There, behind him in the glass, stood his angel.

"I am so sorry," he repeated once more as she smiled at him.

He turned to stand face to face with Olivia's ghost once more.

"I tried."

"I know you did," she replied with a warm smile.

"I did everything I could think to do. I switched places with you. It should have been me. You should have been safe, it should have been me. I was ready to die for you."

"I know."

"It isn't fair."

He watched as she moved forward slowly and placed her palm against the gash in his swollen cheek.

"I'm fine," he replied wincing in pain and pulling away as she brushed her fingertip over the wound. "I got bumps and scratches and you lost your life. It isn't fair."

Olivia pressed her lips together as she took a seat on the countertop and just let him vent.

"I promised you I would protect you, that I would keep you safe. And I got you killed. It was all my fault."

"It wasn't you fault. Maybe it was fate."

"Bullshit!" he snapped as he stormed from the room.

She stood in the corner of the bedroom and watched as he slammed the door and moved his arm across the dresser sending everything on it crashing to the floor. Elliot growled, then made a fist and punched the mirror.

"You are going to hurt yourself," she warned.

"I don't care! I don't care about anything anymore if I don't have you!"

"El…."

"No! I don't want to hear it! Just don't talk to me anymore if you can't tell me a way to fix this!"

"You can't fix it. I am gone. It is over, it's done now. And there isn't anything anyone could have done to stop it. Don't you see? Some things are just meant to happen a certain way, for whatever reason. And changing the events does not mean that you can change fate. You tried. And at least this time…."

"What? This time, what?" he snapped.

"This time I knew how you felt about me," she said softly.

"But I didn't change anything. I still lost you. And I am still stuck here in this Hell without you," he replied turning to stare out the window into the cold gray of a blizzard evening as it closed in on them. "Unless…."

"Unless, what?" she asked tipping her head at attention.

"Give me another chance. Give me one more try. I wasn't successful this time, but I did make progress. Just give me one more chance. I promise you it will be better this time."

"It isn't up to me," she replied shaking her head.

"But you could put in a good word for me or something, right? All I need is one more day. One more shot. I can make this work, I know I can."

"Elliot, I have nothing to do with it. I am merely a figment of your imagination. I'm not sure how this works. I am not even sure how this thing between you and I works. It just happens."

"It just happens? I don't think anything just happens. You are here because I need you. Because you feel me. To help me. To help me, help you. That is why you are here. And what good would it do for me to sit around talking to myself if I can't change the things that have gone wrong? I have to have just one more chance. I will make a difference, I will make you see…"

"See what?

"I will make you see how much I love you. I will protect you. And I will save you from this awful mess that fate seems to be torturing us with. I can do it, Liv. I know I can. I just need one more day."

"What you need is to put that bottle down and get some real dinner," she replied pointing to the whiskey bottle on the night stand. "Hurting yourself is not going to help me, Elliot. Take care of yourself. If not for you, then do it for me. If this crazy plan of your's works, I'm gonna need you around to take care of me."

Elliot cupped his hand against the side of her face and gazed into her eyes.

"So you will help me?"

Olivia raised her hand and placed it over his.

"I am on your side. But like I said, this is completely out of my hands."

He traced her full red lips with his thumb, then leaned forward to kiss her tenderly.

"I won't give up on you," he said as he leaned his forehead against hers. "I will never give up on you. I will keep trying, reliving the most painful day of my life over and over again until I find a way to save you. I promise. Because I love you and I need you. You belong with me."

"And you wouldn't let a little thing like death separate us," she replied with a smile.

"I will find a way for us to be together."

That night, Elliot couldn't sleep. Instead he laid awake staring at the ceiling thinking of all of the things he would say to her and do for her if he could only have one more chance. He tossed and turned, haunted by the fear of not getting that one more chance. The horror of waking to find that he was stuck here and the reality was that this time she was gone for good and he would never hold her or touch her or kiss her again. He laid wide awake for what seemed like days….then he woke up.

He stumbled into the kitchen and made his morning coffee. He stared out the window into the snow, still falling from the night before. He couldn't stay here alone today. He had to get out of here, out from between these walls and somewhere where he could still feel her.

He locked his apartment door and climbed into the back of a cab staring out the window at all of the things that reminded him of her as he made his way to the precinct. Living without her wasn't only going to be painful, he thought to himself, he wasn't even sure it was possible.

Elliot tossed a handful of bills through the window as he climbed slowly up the steps and made his way inside. He stood there for a moment staring at her empty desk. He could almost see her sitting there, like she did every day before. And like all of those other days she would feel him watching her and she'd raise her head and smile that beautiful smile at him. Then they'd both turn away shyly and ignore the feelings they held inside.

He could almost hear her soft voice as she spoke his name.

"Elliot?"

It was so real, he thought raising his head at attention as he heard it once more.

"Elliot?"

He turned around to see her standing behind him.

"I said if we don't get going we are going to be late," Olivia repeated as he stared at her.

"Liv?"

"I see you've been hanging out with your old pal Jack Daniels again," she replied straightening his tie. "You reek of booze," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Let's just hope they don't put you on the stand until tomorrow. Maybe the Judge won't smell you from across the room."

He watched as she pressed the button for the elevator and bit her lip nervously.

Elliot took a deep breath as he stared at her.

"Liv?"

"Yes?" she asked turning to look him in the eye as she smiled.

"I am so glad that you are alright," he said hugging her tight as the elevator doors opened and the people inside walked around them.

"Thanks. I think," she replied suspiciously. "You have got to stop drinking," she said as she stepped inside and he followed as the doors closed behind them.


	8. 8) Lost Souls

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another BIG thanks to all of my faithful followers for keeping up with my stories. I write the stories for me, but it is your interest and support that keeps me posting new updates. (Even if it takes a while.) I apologize for taking so long to get back into updates. I recently lost a dear friend, ironically in a car accident and it has turned my world upside down. So I hope you will all understand that I have found it especially hard to bring myself to update this particular story. This personal experience has given me a new perspective and understanding of just how Elliot feels in this story, because I would give anything for just one chance to try and change the events that took place that day. I want to thank you all for being so understanding and to thank Twistflick, Roanie123, Frannielloyd, SVUjunkie2011, Raerae554, Claudstar and so many more of you, my internet friends, for the positive reinforcement and encouragement that you have given me in your reviews and private messages. And I dedicate this story to Shawn, the brother I never had. You are sadly missed and greatly remembered. Love and miss you forever. **_

_**~Detective Olivia Stabler ~**_

_One More Day_

_(Chapter Eight: Lost Souls)_

Elliot shot up from his bed in the dark, suddenly there it was. He moved through the apartment to start his morning coffee. It was barely after three, but if he was going to pull this off he had to make every second count. Moments later he stepped from the shower tossed on some clothes, grabbed his keys and coffee and headed out the door.

Four hours later…..

Olivia yawned as she walked through the door and into the bullpen. She draped her jacket over the back of her chair and locked her purse in her desk drawer.

"I cannot believe Cragen is making us work tomorrow."

"Crime doesn't stop for the holidays," Fin reminded her.

"But it is Christmas Day," she replied spinning around in her office chair to look at him. "Do you have any idea how long it has been since I had Christmas Day off?"

"Liv, you never do anything for Christmas. Stabler has his the dinner with his kids every year, Munch goes to see that crazy ex-wife of his….the one he swears is a witch," Fin whispered to keep his partner from hearing.

"I can hear you. It is one day a year and it is better to suffer through it and tolerate her and her family for a few hours than to take the risk," he clarified as Olivia laughed.

"And you and I spend afternoon serving Christmas Dinner at the homeless shelter, then buy each other beers at Joe's and reminisce about all of the great times we've had here at the old 1-6."

"Still, it is tradition. And I like helping out at the shelter. I really feel like we are giving back to society. And to see the looks on the faces of all of those people, many of whom have not had a good hot meal in a very long time, it reminds you what Christmas is all about."

"Well, there is always next year," Fin reminded her as she frowned.

"You were here awful early. Couldn't sleep?" Olivia asked shifting her attention to her partner who was carefully watching her every move.

"Too much on my mind," he said studying her tired smile. "Listen, Liv….I was thinking maybe we could have dinner together tonight, my treat. Then if you don't have any other plans, I could ….be your date to the office Christmas party tonight."

"I am afraid that Christmas party is going to have to be reduced to a Secret Santa gift exchange on our way out the door."

"What's going on?" Olivia asked standing at attention.

"We got a body dump that matches the description of the Davison girl you and Fin were looking for last month."

"The runaway socialite from that ritzy private school on the Upper East side?" Fin asked."

"Signs of sexual assault," Cragen added.

"I never have understood people with money," Munch stated. "Her parents pay more that you and I make in a year to put her in that school and for what, exactly?"

"Looks good on an Ivy League college application," Fin replied.

"It is supposed to be safer than public school," Elliot clarified. "These places have enough campus security guards to open their own police force."

"It's not safe," Olivia said softly. "Leslie Davison was last seen at her school's homecoming dance," she replied tossing the file down on Elliot's desk as the photo of the blonde haired blue eyed girl slid out to stare at him. "She disappeared hours after she was crowned homecoming queen."

"Well, this one is all yours," Cragen said looking to Olivia. "Casey called and their witness has recanted her statement. She needs Fin to meet her downtown as soon as possible to try to change this girls mind before court this afternoon. Otherwise the two of you will be spending Christmas Day combing over that list trying to find someone else who can place Romeo in that room the night Kelly Price was raped."

"Frat party gone badly," Fin replied putting on his coat and picking up his keys. "Thirty college kids in one tiny apartment and no one hears a girl screaming that she is being raped. We finally got this girl to come forward and now someone got to her too. Are you okay on this?" he asked looking at Olivia.

"Yea. I will see if I can't try to make some sort of identification before I drag the parents down to see the body. Nobody needs that image in their head, especially if their daughter is still out there somewhere. Seeing someone else's kid like this isn't going to help them at all."

"Stabler you can help Munch interview that group of gang members we brought in for running that child prostitution ring. Let's see if a couple nights in general population has anyone ready to spill their guts. Start with these two," he replied handing Munch a sticky note with two names on it. "They are being held in the infirmary after word got out they were trafficking children for sex. Looks like they didn't do too well at making new friends."

"Captain, would you mind if I went along with Olivia instead?" Elliot asked.

"Yes, I mind. I told you to go with Munch, go with Munch," Cragen barked.

"It's okay, El. I've got this," she assured him.

"John's guys are in holding cells. He can handle it on his own for a couple of hours," Elliot argued as Cragen's face began to turn red.

"Elliot," Olivia warned.

"Hear me out, please. I can help Liv with this. It will only take a few hours. Then we can both go to Rikers and the three of us can work together to get something out of these creeps."

Olivia bit her lower lip and waited for Cragen to rip into her partner, but it never happened.

"Fine. John, go to the prison. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum will be along shortly," he replied glaring at Elliot. "You two, get down there and look at the body. If you think it's Leslie Davison, then get the parents in for an ID. But watch them closely. My gut is still telling me this is an inside job. Pretty popular teen queen disappears homecoming night, sounds like the fairy tale was a little too good to be true. Get a list of her friends, enemies, boyfriends, and teachers. Anyone who saw or spoke to this girl on a daily basis, I want to know."

"We got it Cap," Elliot agreed as Olivia turned and headed toward the door.

"And Stabler," Cragen snarled, "I did not agree to this because you asked me to let you work with Benson today. And I sure didn't do it because I doubted your partner's ability to handle this case on her own."

Elliot blinked and stared at his boss.

"I agreed solely because you have daughters her age. I am depending on your ability to speak teenaged girl. If I didn't feel that your experience in your personal life could directly help us with this case, your ass would be riding out a one week suspension behind the desk for the way you just spoke to me. I am your superior. When I say move, you move. No questions asked. Consider this your ONE warning."

"Yes, Captain," Elliot agreed in his best apologetic voice as he backed out of the room.

"Are you brain dead? What the hell is wrong with you?" Olivia asked as he opened the car door for her. "You could have gotten in a lot of trouble back there."

"I know," he agreed.

"Why then? Why would you do it? You don't talk to him like that. You never disrespect him like that."

She paused for a moment to contemplate the situation.

"Unless….You don't think I can handle this on my own, do you?"

"I know you can. I just don't think you should."

"Oh, no? You think I am the one who should not be working this case?" she asked rolling her eyes in frustration. "You have a lot of room to speak."

"What does that mean?" Elliot asked.

"It means that maybe I am not the one who shouldn't be here."

"Why, because I have kids? You heard Cragen. He thinks it is an asset."

"Cragen hasn't seen these pictures, Elliot."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't think I didn't notice," she scoffed.

"Notice what?"

"Her, Elliot," she replied pulling an "8x10" photograph of Leslie Davison from the file and holding it up for him to see. "And the fact that she bears a striking resemblance to Maureen!"

Elliot shook his head.

"You know how many girls her age have blonde hair and blue eyes?"

"They could be sisters, El. Twins even. I get why you did this, okay. I really do. But this is too close to home and you shouldn't be here. If Cragen had known the truth he never would have let you in on this case. It is too close to home!"

"I just didn't think you should be doing this alone, that's all," he replied as he pulled into a parking space at the medical examiners building and shut the car off.

"I have done this before. Body identifications and notifying next of kin. I do this a lot more often than I would like to admit. What makes you think I can't handle it now?"

"Because she looks like Maureen," he confessed with a knot in his throat. "She looks just like Maureen and I saw the way you looked at that picture. You did this for me, so he wouldn't ask me to."

"Elliot," she argued as she shook her head.

"I saw you," he admitted with a smile. "Cragen walked in with the file and when he started to talk, you took it from his hand."

"Fin and I caught the original case."

"I know Cragen well enough to know he wouldn't send you to an identify and notify on a kid by yourself. He was going to send you with Munch, until you took that file from his hands and acted all interested in the case."

"It is my case, of course I am interested. This girl, whoever she is, deserves justice. And if she happens to be the girl in this photograph then hopefully we can solve two cases at once."

"You mean you actually hope the body in there is Leslie Davison?"

"Nobody hopes that, Elliot. But she and her family deserve some answers. And I intend to find them some. And if this girl is not Leslie Davison, then….then someone else out there is looking for their daughter. And they deserve answers, too."

"Thank you," he said handing her back the picture as she closed the file once more. "You can deny it all you want, I know you did it for me. You were trying to protect me. And I do appreciate it."

"You're welcome," she replied in the closest thing to a confession that he would ever get. "And for the record…."

Elliot turned to stare deep into her eyes.

"You, Detective Stabler, are Tweedle Dum."

"Oh, I am?" he laughed as they climbed from the car.

"Yes," she laughed. "That was a real bone headed move you pulled back in the precinct and I suggest you start thinking things through before you do them from now on."

Elliot exhaled. He knew she was right and didn't bother arguing with her about it.

"Let's get this over with," he said unbuckling his seat belt as he opened the car door.

Inside they stared down at a metal table containing the body of a teenaged girl. Elliot had a knot in his stomach the size of a Buick, realizing up close and personal how much this girl really resembled his oldest child. He held his breath and fought back tears, constantly reminding himself that this was not his daughter.

Olivia, however, had kicked into work mode and somehow managed to distance herself from any personal connection she may have felt to this case as she moved around the table to more closely examine the body.

"What do you think?" she asked without looking up.

"You were right. She looks exactly like Maureen. For a moment I was actually wondering if there was any way we'd had a second child that day and never known about her," Elliot said softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind the girl's ear.

"I meant about the dental records," she replied raising her eyes and looking past him as the medical examiner cleared his throat.

"I got your films and was able to more closely examine them," he explained. "I would like to compare DNA before I make a positive match, but…"

"But?" Olivia asked staring him down. "It is her, isn't it?"

"I believe so. The dental work in the missing girl's file is a near perfect match."

"That isn't good enough," Elliot said looking at the man. "We're about to go tell Leslie Davison's parents their daughter is dead. I would like to make sure this IS in fact THEIR daughter before we deliver that statement."

"Elliot," Olivia said in a stern voice.

"Near perfect is not perfect," he argued shifting his attention back to her.

"Let me clarify," the examiner began holding the films up to the light to show them. "By near perfect I mean that they are an exact match, with the exception of this one broken tooth. But this is recent. I am guessing it happened shortly before she died. The edge of the break is still jagged. And figuring the position of the tooth, if it had happened months or even weeks before time of death, the edge would have smoothed out more….worn down some from brushing and eating, the acid content in food and drinks would have shown an effect on the raw edge. There is none of that present. So I am sorry, Detective Stabler, the best I can do is to say that this match is nearly perfect."

Olivia exhaled.

"So is this," she said softly moving the sheet to reveal a tiny ladybug tattoo on the top of the girl's right foot. "It matches the one in the description."

"Millions of girls have tattoos, Olivia."

"But millions of girls do not have this exact tattoo in this exact spot. And this exact heart shaped birth mark on the back of her left shoulder," she rolled the body just a bit to show him. "Elliot, Leslie Davison is our Jane Doe."

She watched as Elliot tipped his head back and paced the floor for a moment. He spun around on his heels and kicked the trash can on his way out of the room.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said washing her hands as the examiner covered the girl's body once more. "Did you find any fluids?"

"Semen, no. I found spermicide in the vaginal canal, our guy or guys used protection."

"Guys? You thing there was more than one?"

"Judging by the hand print bruising on her wrists, I'd say at least two. One to hold her down while the other did the deed. Bruising and tearing, it was definitely forced. And I found traces of blood in her throat."

"In her throat? What did they gag her with that would make her throat bleed?"

"I tested it and it isn't her blood," he replied shaking his head. "She fought back and hard. My guess is she got a bite of one of our preps. I sent a sample to the lab for a DNA profile. I'll let you know as soon as I get the results."

"I'd still like to get some photos for a family identification."

"Sure," he said moving across the room and pulling an envelope from a file. "I know this seems a very odd thing to say, but at least we know who she is now. Many families never know what happened to their children and they just stay missing forever. I hope find whoever is responsible for this."

"So do me," she said forcing a smile as she headed for the door.

Olivia climbed into the car beside her partner and stared at him for a moment in silence.

"It's okay, you know," she said softly.

"What?" Elliot asked clearing his throat as he started the car and pulled out into the street.

"You wouldn't be human if it didn't get to you every now and then. That feeling, that hollow or emptiness and sorrow in the pit of your stomach….that is what keeps up grounded, Elliot."

"It is unprofessional, for you and for me….to let it get to us like that. She's a kid. Not mine, not yours. A dead kid. That is as personal as it should ever get. Feelings and emotions just cloud your judgment and get in the way of doing your job. I shouldn't have let it get to me," he replied staring out the window with foggy eyes. "You got the photos for the identification?"

"I did. And he is going to call me in a few hours with DNA results."

"What do you say we take an early lunch? I know they are wanting to have the parents ID for comparison, but I would feel better speaking to the family _after_ we have those results and know for sure. No parent needs to see pictures like that, at least until we are sure that she is even their child."

"Sounds like a plan," she said softly dropping the file folder into a briefcase and laying it in the floor beside her feet. "And El…."

"Yea?" he asked looking over his shoulder into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Your secret is safe with me," she said blinking with a soft smile.

"Secret?"

"I know you don't want the guys thinking that Detective Stabler is just a big softie. But your heart is one of the things I admire most about you. You are focused and serious about your job, that's what makes you a damn good cop. Allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling right now….that's what makes you a damn good human being. Don't ever let this job make you stop being who you are."

Elliot studied the chocolate swirls and gold and green flecks in her eyes as he smiled.

"I won't," he replied returning her smile.

That evening as they wrapped things up for the day and prepared to go home, Elliot caught himself staring at the photograph of the smiley teenaged girl once more. Somewhere tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Davison were devastated and painfully grieving the loss of their only daughter. He drew a deep breath and felt a knot in his throat as he tried not to imagine how horrible this must be for them.

"El?" Olivia asked softly.

"Yea," he responded raising his tired blood shot eyes to look at her.

"Fin and I are going to go have a drink if you'd like to go with us."

He stared at her as she smiled a warm smile.

"Come on, I'll buy you a beer," she said squeezing his hand in hers just for a moment before letting it go and picking up her coat.

"We have to be in court early in the morning," Elliot suddenly remembered as he watched her flip her scarf over one shoulder and pull on a pair of white fur lined gloves.

"I won't keep you out late, I promise."

"I don't know, Liv. It's already pretty late. I am exhausted and this is one day I am ready to be over with. Rain check?"

"Well, I guess a hot bath and a good night's sleep does sound pretty good," she nodded in agreement. "Another night?"

"Definitely," he agreed as they walked out. "But I will give you a ride home."

"Thank you, but I can grab a cab."

"It is like two degrees out here. It is freezing. It will save you money. And it's on my way."

"You live in Queens. I am on the other end of town," she replied tilting her head to consider the geographical details surrounding his offer.

"Well, it could be on my way. Come on," he replied holding open the passenger's side door for her. "I've got frost on my nose in the three minutes we've been standing out here discussing it. It is too cold to stand out here waiting for a cab and I am not about to leave you out here by yourself."

Olivia laughed.

"Elliot, I carry a service weapon, a mean right hook, though it has been a while since my self-defense class I'm not too shabby at Tae Kwon Do and we are standing in the employee lot of the police station. I am probably pretty safe here until my cab arrives."

"You never know. Wait, you know Tae Kwon Do?"

"Some of it. I took a class a few years back with a friend. She liked the guy who taught our self-defense class, so she made me go with her to his Tae Kwon Do class as well."

Impressed, Elliot raised one eyebrow.

"Hey, I could take you down," she added confidently as she folded her arms.

"Oh, I don't doubt that," he laughed as she smiled.

"If you insist," she finally agreed climbing into the warmth of his sedan as he held the door for her. "You know…." she thought aloud as she stared out the window at the snowflakes beginning to fall once more, "you have got to be the only one person in the world more stubborn than I am."

Elliot laughed.

"You are right about that. I have five children, three of which are daughters….I have learned how to hold my ground. Sometimes you remind me of my girls."

"I'm not a child, Elliot."

"I know. I mean in the way that you are determined to do everything yourself, even when it would be much easier just to let me help you. All three of my girls are that way."

"And your boys aren't?"

"The boys are more likely to allow you to help, then step back and leave you to do all the work yourself. I don't ever mean to make you feel like I think you can't take care of yourself. I know you can. So when I push you to do something, it is because I truly think that it is what is best for you. I know I'm not your father and sometimes I….I know I can be overbearing and hard to put up with sometimes."

Olivia tipped her head and smiled at him.

"Yes, you can," she replied shifting her attention out the window. "But I am not the easiest person in the world to work with either. I am stubborn and set in my ways…."

"You're a peach," Elliot replied sarcastically.

She whipped her face around to stare into his eyes.

"And you are a stubborn old mule," she replied jabbing him in the chest with her index finger.

"Yea, but we make one hell of a team," he admitted as she smiled again. "You are an amazing partner, and a damn good cop. You are brilliant and amazing working with the victims. I have never seen anyone be able to reach them, help them the way that you do. The rest of us kind of take them as they come, we kind of stumble our way through these cases trying to learn things along the way. Things that might help us with victims in the future. But you…."

"Me?" she asked blinking her dark eyes at him.

"It comes naturally to you. That perfect balance of heart and brain that seems to provide everything victims need to trust you, to open up to you. I don't know how you do it. But you do. It never fails. You always seem to know the right approach to reach victims, almost instinctively. You show them kindness and earn their trust. You get them to open up to you and you help them in ways the rest of us only wish we could. They relate to you. Sometimes I watch you and I can't help but wonder just how you do it. You, Olivia Benson, are the reason the SVU is able to help as many people as we do."

"But we can't help them all, El."

He watched as she stared for a moment at the file in her hands.

"Young girls like Leslie Davison, it is too late to help them."

Elliot shifted the car into park as he turned to look her in the eye.

"It may be too late to save her. But it is never too late to help her. Everything we are doing is helping to build the case that will bring her killers to justice. It may be days, weeks or months….hell it may not even be in this lifetime….but God knows exactly who hurt her. He knows it all. And he will make sure there is justice for Leslie and all of the other girls like her. For all of the victims and the criminals who, because of loopholes and little mistakes got away with all of the terrible things they did. Those people will pay for the crimes they have committed and every single person they hurt. Justice will be served. He will see to it."

"I don't know, Elliot. Sometimes I wonder how you can see the things we see every single day and still believe there is a God."

"I trust my faith," he said squeezing her hand in his.

"I guess I am just not as strong as you," she said shaking her head. "I want to believe. I do. But I cannot help but wonder what kind of God would create a world so beautiful, that is so bad at the same time. What kind of God would say he protects his children, then allows things like this to happen to them?" She asked and he could see the tears rising in her eyes.

"The world isn't bad, Olivia. People are bad. And things like this, bad things, don't just happen, people make them happen. Don't lose faith because of the bad things we are faced with every day. Use those awful things to help you see the beauty, to help you see God in everything all around you."

"I don't know if it is really a question of losing my faith, Elliot. I'm not certain you can lose something you were never really sure you had in the first place. Like I said, maybe I am just not as strong as you."

"To struggle is human. You are strong, Olivia. More so than you think. Maybe your strengths lie in other areas. Maybe that is yet another reason we complement each other so well."

"Maybe," she said with a tired smile. "Maybe I am just too tired to see the good in anything right now."

"Would you like me to walk you up?" he offered.

"No, I've got it from here."

"Get some rest," Elliot said as she climbed from his car.

"You too. And thanks for the ride home."

"Any time. Listen, Liv, if you ever want to talk about anything… or if you would like to come along with me to church sometime…."

She smiled.

"I'm not trying to push you or preach to you," Elliot clarified. "It's just an offer. But sometimes things become a little clearer in the house of the lord."

"Yea, maybe I will sometime."

"Really?"

"Yea. I'd like that. I think it would be good for me."

"It is always good for you. Might even help you find some of the answers you have been searching for."

Olivia pulled her heavy coat tighter around her body as an icy wind began to blow. She took a deep breath and began to nod.

"Goodnight, Elliot."

"Goodnight, Liv."

That night as Elliot laid alone in the empty darkness of his apartment, he closed his eyes and once more prayed for God to help him find a way to save Olivia. He knew his days with her were numbered and he had to think of something big, something great, some huge event changing epiphany or he would lose her forever.

Eventually he would run out of chances. But he would never give up. In just a few more days her ill-fated accident would take place and this time, Elliot had to be better prepared. He hated to see her struggling the way that she was. He knew how badly she wanted, even needed something greater to believe in and he had made it his personal quest to help her find God. For only weeks earlier he, himself, was faced with these very same questions as he sat blood soaked in the middle of a crowded intersection holding her lifeless body in his arms. What kind of God would let something like this happen?

That night as he had climbed into his bed broken, physically and emotionally, so sure he would never forgive himself or any higher being for her loss he closed his eyes to pray one last prayer. In this prayer that began with anger fueled words of hatred and turned into sorrowful pleas, Elliot had asked God to forgive him of all of his sins, then begged for just one more chance to see his dearest friend. One more chance to make things right with her, to love her and protect her. Just one more chance.

Only God could possibly grant a wish this big. And it was God, himself, who had. Time and time again. Forcing Elliot to relive this tortured fate until he was able to see the truth that had been staring right back at him this entire time. He loved Olivia. He not only loved Olivia, he was IN love with her. And he would never stop fighting for her. He would do this as many times as God would allow him, until he found a way to save she or it killed him, too. He would never give up. Never give her up, not without one hell of a fight. The God he had so angrily doubted so many times before, had proven himself to Elliot each and every morning he woke to face one more day with Olivia, with each and every chance he was given to try and save her.

If he could only find a way to explain it all to her, to make her see. If he could only make her understand, then she would know without a doubt that there is a God and he is wonderful. That he can make wonderfully magical things happen and pull you through things you would never have the strength to make it through without him by your side. If he could only help her to see, then she too would be able to believe undoubtedly in a higher power.

Just as he had closed his eyes and started to drift off to sleep, Elliot's cell phone began to buzz.

"Liv?" he said softly as he listened to her breathing on the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry if I woke you…."

"I'm awake."

"Me, too," she whispered softly. "I mean, I can't sleep. I have been laying here in the dark with my eyes closed and a thousand different thoughts are flooding my brain. I am completely exhausted and I cannot fall asleep."

"Maybe you just needed someone to talk to."

"Maybe," she exhaled. "I just feel like we are missing something. Something that is right in front of us. It has to be there, Elliot. The key to unraveling this case, it has to be somewhere in that file."

"Olivia, we have both been through it a hundred times. There is nothing there. Nothing we have not already seen, anyway."

"Elliot, I am not going to be able to sleep unless I can go over it just one more time."

"Okay. Get the file and walk me through it over the phone. Let's see if we can figure this out together."

There was a slight pause on the line for just a moment before what sounded like a soft yawn.

"That's just it, Elliot. I don't have the file. I must have left it in your car. I was sure I had it, but I have somehow made it home without it."

"You want me to go get it?" he asked looking out his bedroom window at the layer of snow now covering his parked car. "I could read over it for you."

She exhaled as she sat up and turned on her bedside lamp.

"Or…"

"Or, what?" he asked.

"Or I have I have a plate full of homemade sugar cookies I put out for Santa…."

"You want me to bring it over?"

"Please, Elliot. I would owe you big time. This is going to drive me crazy until I can flip through those pages one more time."

"Alright," he agreed slipping on a pair of jeans and pulling a black tee shirt over his head. "But someone owes me a very strong cup of coffee."

"I will start it now," she said as a smile slowly spread across her face.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, El."

Elliot shook his head as he closed his phone. She was completely clueless about the power she had over him.

And hour later Olivia opened her apartment door as Elliot smiled and handed her the manila folder.

"Thank you so much."

She watched curiously as he entered the apartment carrying a brown paper bag.

"I stopped on the way and got us some breakfast," he said handing her a Styrofoam container and some plastic utensils.

"Double thanks," she replied sitting her food on the table as she disappeared into the kitchen only to return moments later with two cups of coffee. "So, I was thinking…."

"Liv, just breathe," he joked. "Take a few minutes to enjoy your eggs and coffee before we dive into another days work."

She smiled.

"Sorry. My mind is just running a hundred miles per hour."

"Maybe it's time you switched to decaf," he teased as he looked around the apartment suddenly noticing something different. "That's new?" he asked nodding toward a small pre-lit Christmas tree on a small end table.

"Yea. I guess I was feeling the Christmas spirit a little more than usual. Some neighborhood kids were selling trees for cub scouts or boys and girls club or….some kind of fund raiser. I explained that I didn't have the space for a real tree, but I was going to write them a check anyway. Then the boy pulled out a pamphlet of smaller artificial trees. This kind of seemed perfect."

"It's cute. But all of your lights are white."

"They had one with colored bulbs, too. But the white ones are my favorite. It has different settings. It twinkles in different light patterns and plays music, too. I also ordered the little clear glass ornaments and the star for the top of the tree. All together it only cost me about eighty bucks."

Elliot almost choked on his coffee.

"You spent eighty dollars on that?"

"I like it! I think it is pretty."

"It is pretty. But so is eighty dollars."

"It was for charity," she said rolling her eyes at him.

"Those little beggars ripped you off."

"Stop," she laughed. "They use the money to help provide meals for the homeless shelters on Christmas Day. It was for a good cause. And I had it to give. I probably would have just put it toward a pair of shoes anyway. Now I have to work tomorrow and can't help serve food, so I still contributed something. And it is very calming. Sometimes I will turn off all of the lights and just lay on the sofa in the dark for hours just staring at the glow of the twinkling lights. So serene and peaceful."

"And since when do you make cookies for Santa?" he asked popping the last bite of toast into his mouth.

"I do every year. It has been a tradition since I was a little girl. My mother and I used to do it every year together. Would you like some cookies?"

"I will have to confess, I was considering bringing you the file….but it was the cookies that sealed the deal."

Olivia smiled and made her way back into the kitchen as Elliot began to spread the contents of the file out on the dining room table for them to look at. A few minutes later she returned with a tray of sugar cookies swirled with candy cane sprinkles and two mugs of hot cocoa each containing a peppermint stick and a handful of miniature marshmallows.

"These are amazing," Elliot mumbled between bites as she patiently waited for her cookie to soak up cocoa from her mug.

"They are really simple to make. I can give you the recipe if you'd like. Maybe you could make them with the kids."

"There is something about the combination of the chocolate and the peppermint….so good."

"Thanks," she replied with a smile as she picked up a few pages from the file to study them.

Two hours later, Olivia laid passed out on the sofa as Elliot shut down her lap top. If he didn't at least catch a nap before going into work today he was liable to be the cause of her accident, himself.

He pulled two pages from her printer and closed the file on the table. He smiled as he pulled a blanket up around Olivia's shoulders, then settled into the chair across the room to catch a little sleep himself.

It was pushing ten o'clock in the morning when Olivia sat up and rubbed her eyes. It was Christmas morning, one of her favorite days of the year and she could hear church bells ringing down the block.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered pushing back the curtains to look at the freshly fallen blanket of snow that covered most of the city below. She tipped her head and squinted to focus on a strange object across the room.

Climbing from the sofa, Olivia made her way to the two foot tree. Tucked neatly there beneath the branches was an envelope with her name on it.

"What the…" slipping her fingertip inside she opened the envelope and pulled out the two pages neatly folded up inside.

"Looks like Santa came," Elliot said as she turned around to look at him.

"These are boarding passes."

"Yes."

"For a flight leaving tonight..."

"Yup."

"For Hawaii?"

Elliot smiled.

"Elliot, you bought me a ticket to Hawaii for Christmas?"

"You said you'd never been."

"I haven't."

"Neither have I. I figured now is as good a time as any."

"What about work? What about this case?"

"I have taken care of work. And this case will still be here when we get back."

"Are you serious? I mean, is this for real?"

"Yes," he chuckled. "It is very real. Look, you said you could use a break, I could, too. And we could both stand to get away for a few days and just clear our minds of everything about work. Munch and Fin are perfectly capable of handling this case while we are away and it will be here waiting for us when we return to pick it up again. Rested, with clear minds and fresh eyes."

"I guess you are right."

"You guess? Olivia, when was the last time you took a vacation? And I know you have a ton of days built up."

She thought about it for a moment then smiled a shy smile.

"We said we weren't going to do the gift thing this year."

"Yea, well I changed my mind."

Elliot watched as she walked down the hall and brought a small box from her bedroom.

"So did me," she said handing him the gift box. "It is no trip to Hawaii," she said with a smile. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Elliot replied opening the package to reveal the new watch he had been eyeing in a display in the mall.

"How did you know?"

"You have been late for about six meetings this month alone because your watch keeps sticking. And I saw you looking at this one last week on our way to the coffee shop to question the guy from the coffee shop who used to date Leslie Davison."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied. "But it in no way compares to a trip to Hawaii. Really it's too much."

"I want to do this for you. You deserve it. We both deserve it. And there is no one else I would rather go with than my best friend."

Olivia stared down at the paper in her hands then squealed in excitement.

"We are going to Hawaii!"

"Yes, we are," Elliot laughed. "We still have a few hours of work I wasn't able to get us out of and our flight leaves in just under ten hours, so you better go pack."

"Thank you so much," she squealed throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

Elliot watched as she disappeared down the hall toward her bedroom. He rubbed a sore spot on the back of his neck as he said another silent prayer.

"Eight days," he said looking down at the return flight information on his boarding pass on the coffee table. "She can't be in that car crash if she isn't even here to be in that car," he mumbled running his fingers through his hair. "This has got to work."


End file.
